Betwixt & Between
by Sagga Bott
Summary: An incident with an alien species causes changes in Paris and Chakotay, and changes in the dynamics between them. Set a few months after Seven of Nine joins the crew. SLASH Warning! CP, Pm
1. Chapter 1

** Betwixt and Between**

_by Sagga Bott_

saggabottyahoo.ca

Rating: PG-13

Summary: An incident with an alien species causes changes in Paris and Chakotay, and changes in the dynamics between them. Set a few months after Seven of Nine joins the crew. C/P, P/m

Author's Note: nothing to say here!

Disclaimer: Star Trek: Voyager and the Star Trek characters are owned by Paramount (not me). I gain nothing from this (financially).

April04-Mar05

Voyager's bridge was the hub of all operations on the starship. It was the home-base of the command team. All orders requiring the authorization of a senior officer came through the bridge. It was arguably the most important part of the ship, so when the bridge wasn't operating at peak efficiency, the whole ship suffered. Such was the case one day when Captain Janeway decided to do something about it. The problem centred around two officers in particular, two officers whom she had thought were getting along better lately, but obviously she was mistaken. Three years plus they'd been out here and it was still the same story between them, although Kathryn had to admit at least privately that the older, and usually more mature, of the two was the one instigating the problem.

She could not recall the last time Lieutenant Paris had made a joke at the Commander's expense. In fact all the jokes had dwindled down to nothing. The bridge was devoid of the usual jovial cheer that Tom helped to create and that was only one of the many contributing factors to the current problem. She couldn't put an exact date on it, but it'd been a long time since she'd seen Tom Paris even crack a smile on the bridge. Of course with the Commander on his case for even the smallest infraction it must be hard to stay positive. She wasn't sure what the reason for the latest decline in their relationship was. They usually tolerated each other on duty and avoided each other off. This conundrum wasn't going to be solved any time soon but she couldn't allow personal problems to affect their duties, hence why the two officers in question were now standing at attention in her Ready Room.

She eyed both of them before speaking. "Who would like to tell me what the problem is?" she asked not expecting an answer so she wasn't surprised when neither of them spoke. Frankly she wasn't sure whether Tom even knew what the problem was. When the Commander reprimanded him there was always a brief look of confusion on Tom's face before it was wiped away.

She sighed. "Gentlemen, there is obviously something wrong here. You," she looked at Tom, "can't sit still for more than ten seconds at a time, and you," she looks at Chakotay, "are snapping at everyone." She paused. "Well?"

"I apologize for my restlessness Captain," Tom said, still staring at the wall.

"I don't want an apology, Mr. Paris. What I want is an explanation, but since I don't imagine that occurring anytime soon, I'll settle for your solemn word that you'll be more conscientious of your actions in the future, both of you. It's getting pretty tense out there."

They both agreed and were dismissed but Captain Janeway asked Chakotay to stay. He did so, though with obvious reluctance. The door slid shut after Paris had exited and Chakotay faced Janeway wondering what part of his life she was going to take a sudden interest in. Chakotay gave himself a mental shake. That wasn't true and he knew it but lately he'd just needed something or someone to lash out at.

"Chakotay, is there something wrong?" Kathryn asked gently, the friend replacing the commanding officer.

Chakotay sighed and sat in one of the vacant seats. "I don't know. Lately I've found that everything just feels a little off, as though I'm stuck and can't go forward. It's…" he trailed off.

"Frustrating," Kathryn finished for him and he nodded not meeting her eyes. "Have you tried meditating on it?" she asked knowing that Chakotay took his spiritual guidance very seriously.

He gave a derisive laugh. "I've tried and every time it's the same thing." He didn't tell her was he'd been told. Conversations between him and his spirit guide were personal and nobody's business, commanding officer or not. "I'll work through it. I'm sorry for my behaviour." He stood, calling an end to the conversation.

"Chakotay, if you need someone to talk to, you know where to find me." He nodded. "And give Tom a break, okay?" She didn't like that way his expression darkened at the mention of the pilot but she knew inquiring about it would only get her on his black list. She hoped he'd sort out this personal issue soon. She depended on Chakotay daily. He was a steady presence in a constantly changing environment. She followed him back onto the bridge and they took their positions.

Tom was already at the conn and just finished relaying some information to his friend at Ops when the Captain and Commander returned to the bridge. "I don't have anything on navigational sensors," Tom said.

"Something interesting, gentlemen?" Janeway asked from her chair. She looked over her shoulder to the young man at Ops, Ensign Harry Kim.

"We haven't been able to confirm it Captain but for a brief moment there was an unknown energy signature on sensors." He stared at his console in confusion and tried another series of commands -still nothing.

"Keep an eye out for it, Ensign." Harry nodded and went back to work. Janeway smiled. You could always could on Harry Kim to give one hundred-ten percent. "Mr. Paris, maintain present course and reduce to three-quarter impulse."

"Aye, Captain," he responded and began entering the necessary commands. "Three-quarter impulse."

Janeway nodded and sat back in her chair. It was going to be a long shift. Idly, she wondered when last Tom had addressed her as 'ma'am'. She missed the camaraderie they had shared. Hopefully things would return to normal soon, or get worse. She had an inkling feeling that this was the relative calm before the storm.

Two hours later the bridge was quiet. The crew attended their duties but the atmosphere of deck one was still tense. There had not been a word between the Commander and helmsman since they'd gone to the ready room early that day. When the anomalous readings suddenly returned the crew threw themselves into finding its source. It was something to keep them busy even if it wasn't all that interesting.

"I have a lock on it," Kim said. It's twenty-two hundred kilometres away at bearing 24 mark 8 and getting closer." The energy seemed to wink in and out of existence. "It's getting closer."

"It doesn't conform to any known weapons signature," Chakotay said looking at the information displayed on the console between his and Janeway's seat.

"Let's not take any chances. Tuvok, raise shields."

"Twelve hundred kilometres and closing," Kim announced.

"Is there anything out there that can account for this?" Janeway asked and received only negative responses.

"Three hundred kilometres."

"Tom put some distance between us and what ever that is," Janeway ordered and he immediately did so but the energy signature changed course to intercept as well.

"No effect," he announced.

Just as the Captain was about to call for Red alert, "It's gone," Kim said in confusion. "I can't locate it on sensors." The bridge was quiet for several seconds as they waited for the object to reappear. Instead, the moment a strange energy signature appeared on the sensors, there was a sudden dimming of the lights before full power returned.

"I'm reading local disturbances in the warpcore," said the ensign at the engineering station.

"Bridge to Engineering, what's going on down there?" Chakotay demanded.

"There's an unknown energy quanta destabilizing the core. We've routed more power for containment but it's not…."

"B'Elanna?" he asked when she suddenly stopped talking.

"It's gone. Whatever it was is gone –the core is stabilized." She sounded as confused as everyone else felt.

"Keep us informed. Bridge out."

"Anything on sensors Mr. Kim?" Janeway asked again.

"Nothing," he answered but eyed his displays very carefully should something change.

"I think this is enough excitement for one day. Tom, get us out of here, maximum warp."

"Aye Captain," he entered the commands but when he went to engage warp nothing happened he tried again after a quick re-calibration of the warp field but it winked out of existence almost as soon as it formed. "The warp a field keeps collapsing."

"What's the cause?" Chakotay asked and moved to the helm.

"It must be that thing we've been tracking." Tom tried to engage warp again but the field collapsed. "We can't go to warp," he said with a huff and began to manoeuvre the ship away on impulse. Tom was careful to stick to Starfleet regulations as he entered the commands. With Chakotay looking over his shoulder the last thing he wanted was to give the man a real reason to reprimand him. He breathed a little easier when the presence moved away but Chakotay didn't go back to his seat he moved to the left where there was really nothing of interest. Tom looked up to where Chakotay had moved and saw the other man staring off into space, squinting as though there was something very small before him.

"Commander?" Tom questioned.

"There's something here…" he reached out to touch it but before he made contact a sudden white light seemed to split the air before him making the first officer move quickly backwards.

"That thing has the same energy signature as the anomaly we were tracking," Harry announced. Tuvok drew his weapon though he questioned how much of an effect it would have against something that appeared to be made of energy.

The white light grew as the object forced its way through the tear. Suddenly it was out. Tendrils of white plasma-like tendrils streaked across the bridge but did no harm. The anomaly had no defined boundaries but the energy that now filled the bridge seemed to have a main body that was a collection of denser plasma. It moved instantly from one place to another, the tendrils moving in smooth arcs and where they collected was the new body and the last one faded away. It was a mesmerizing dance that was cut short as the body of energy darted for the commander but not before sending several tendrils into Lieutenant Paris.

Tom was knocked backward into the helm and Commander Chakotay was knocked to the ground. Those who tried to approach the commander to help him where kept at bay by a barrier. Tom however had no such shield. The ensign at the engineering station moved to help him. Although startled he was not otherwise hurt.

"What the hell was that?" asked the Ensign. She earned a glance from Tuvok for her language. Tom had no doubt that she'd be read the riot act over it, but given the circumstances she was saying exactly what Tom was thinking.

"Commander!" Janeway called to the unresponsive man from the edge of the barrier since she was unable to pass through. "Can you get a transporter lock on him?" she asked Kim who moved back to his console to check. He shook his head. If he said anything after that Captain Janeway didn't hear it –her attention that was on her first officer who still lay on the floor, eyes open but not seeing. A sudden presence next to her made her look to her right just in time to see Tom put his arm through the barrier as though it did not exist –indeed for him it didn't.

"Tom?" she questioned but he didn't respond. A look of intense concentration and anger came over his face. He was staring at the air directly over the commander. Janeway followed his gaze but what ever he saw, she didn't. When his hand reached out faster than was humanly possible and grabbed what looked to be another being made of energy only a different colour, she definitely saw then. Contact with Tom brought it into the visible spectrum even though nothing showed on sensors. Tom pulled it away from the commander some of its tendrils pulling out of the older man's body and the barrier vanished in a shower of white sparks.

Chakotay began to stir and Janeway helped him up. "Are you alright?" she asked and he could just nod.

"What happened?" He asked blinking several times to clear his vision.

"Well, that for starters," she looked to the thing that Tom still held in his grasp.

"What the hell-"

Before Chakotay could finish Tom issued the order, "Beam him off the bridge!"

"Why?" Chakotay asked.

"Do it!" and as the only person who seemed to have a clues as to what was occurring, they followed his order. As Chakotay began to vanish in the transporter beam the being in Tom's hands started to strain furiously against his bonds. "Can you get this thing off the ship?" Tom asked as he struggled to contain his charge. A strange type of energy crackled around and over his hand containing the creature somewhat.

"Can't get a lock," Harry said.

A tendril of energy sank into Tom's chest and began to emit a radiation that had the sensors going wild. Tom staggered and let go of the being but it didn't let up and another tendril passed through his leg. The being dissipated the beam of energy from Tuvok's phaser and nobody else could get close enough to touch it.

"Keep working on the transporters," Janeway ordered but Tom knew it wouldn't work. He raised his right hand up, palm facing the being that was intent on harming him. The bridge crew watched in shock as the space around Tom's hand seemed to ripple and distort. When the distortion came in contact with the energy being it released a pulse of energy throughout the bridge and evaporated into nothing. For a moment there was silence until Tom grunted in obvious pain. "Tom, are you alright?"

"I think so," Tom said. "I have to see Seo." He walked straight to the turbolift Janeway following him. There was something different about him. His eyes had changed somehow and she didn't feel comfortable leaving him alone especially after the attack they just witnessed. What ever was going on, she was going to get some answers. She called Tuvok to join them leaving the bridge to Harry.

"Tom," Kathryn began softly once the lift had been directed to take them to deck five, "who is Seo?"

"I have to protect Seo," he responded almost as if possessed. His gaze was on the exit to the turbolift and they were unable to meet his eyes. Tuvok and Janeway glanced at each other. The door opened on deck five and Tom was the first one out. He headed towards Sickbay, knowing without being told he'd find Seo there. Janeway and Tuvok followed closely.

In sickbay the Doctor was scanning Chakotay. After being told of the incident on the bridge he wanted to make sure that there were no ill effects. The scans were all normal and Chakotay didn't feel any different, maybe a little sluggish but that could possibly be due to the adrenalin wearing off. It was only a few minutes later that the doors opened letting Tom, Kathryn and Tuvok in. The Doctor greeted them in his usual manner but Tom didn't even acknowledge him. He walked straight over to Chakotay.

"Are you alright?" Tom asked visually checking Chakotay for injuries.

Chakotay looked at Kathryn for answers but she didn't have any to give him. "I'm fine," he answered slowly and stepped away from Tom but as he did something warned him. He turned back to Tom and eyed him suspiciously.

"Seo?" Tom asked.

Chakotay didn't know who Seo was but Tom was obviously referring to him. "Take your tunic off," he ordered and with only a brief hesitation he did so. Underneath the tunic were two large bloodstains, which were still growing. "What happened?" Chakotay asked.

"The Relor attacked me," Tom answered and even he seemed surprised by the injuries. The Doctor scanned him.

"Lay down,"

"No." The other four looked at him.

The Doctor tried again. "I need to treat your injuries. Please," he gestured to the biobed but Tom still refused.

"Should the Relor return I must protect her," Tom explained.

"Her!" from Chakotay.

The Captain put a hand on Chakotay's arm and carefully approached the man who looked like her pilot but was acting like some sort of bodyguard. "Who are you?"

"Captain, I'm Tom Paris," he replied and now he was the one who was confused.

"And who is Seo?" Tom pointed to Chakotay and though she didn't understand Kathryn continued to ask questions. "Who are the Relor?"

"They're our opponents."

"Who is this 'her' you referred to?"

"Yuri-Seo. She's joined with him," Tom said and again pointed to Chakotay.

They all looked at Chakotay and he could only give a wide-eyed shrug. He had no sudden knowledge of any of this.

"And you have to protect 'Yuri-Seo'," she asked more than stated and Tom nodded. "We won't let anything happen to 'Yuri-Seo' or Chakotay but you need to let the Doctor help you." She looked down at the still growing dark stain. It must hurt yet he didn't seem to feel it.

'He feels it,' came a voice from nowhere. It seemed to flow around them and through them like the caress of a soft breeze. 'But his first duty is to his Seo,' the voice explained and three distinct masses of energy coalesced in Sickbay.

"Kim to Janeway, sensors are showing four unknown energy signatures in Sickbay."

"We know. Janeway out," she responded absently and continued to watch as the swirls formed three distinct beings. They had vaguely humanoid features; two legs, two arms, a head. Their facial features became more distinct as there physical form settled. The three people were very tall, nearly ten feet-their heads almost touched the ceiling and their clothing was a material that seemed to be constantly in the transition from energy to mass, just as they previously were. Of the three beings one was a shade of pale blue with greyish robes and one other had a yellowish gown but glowed a pale orange. The last being was the largest of the three. It had robes that glowed the purest white and pale skin. While the other two where of indiscriminate sex the being in white was male and apparently their leader, as he stepped forward to greet the three humans, one Vulcan and hologram. He seemed to glide more than step as every movement caused what was once matter to revert to energy and revert back once the motion had stopped.

'Our apologies. We are of the Alorem.' The voice was the same one that had spoken earlier but it was less haunting. 'We do not wish you any harm but it seems that fate has crossed our paths,' he looked at Chakotay and gave a gentle smile. 'You are well?' he asked and Chakotay just nodded. As sick as he was of people asking, he didn't want to offend these people especially if they had some answers. The pale being moved closer to Tom and for the first time they noticed the matching aura that Tom had, as though his body was re-emitting the energy from the Alorem. It struck Janeway then that Tom might be the fourth energy signature. Kim had mentioned that sensors had found four energy signatures but they had been too shocked to notice before that only three beings had materialized before them. 'We will protect her,' the alien told Tom and he nodded and moved to the biobed to lie down. The Doctor, while curious about the visitors, attended to Tom's injuries. By his primary programming he was a Doctor first and thus those duties took precedent.

'You want answers,' the orange-ish being said. 'We have them. I am Jura. This is Nie,' it gestured to the blue one, 'and he is Osa. The one whom now resides within one of yours is new to us.' It looked to Tom, and Osa who stood beside the human, as though watching over him. 'Yuri is the one whom you now hold,' it said to Chakotay. 'Do not be alarmed, Yuri will do you no harm, she only chose a host for protection until the Relor are again under control and the Alorem defence is mended. We regret that we could not protect her and that harm came to your crewman but we must now ask that you help us. Yuri has been weakened and will not under any circumstance within the next eighty cycles be able to exist on her own. You are all that is keeping her alive, Chakotay.'

"How do you know my name?" he asked.

'We know because we asked him and he told us,' Jura replied, not going into detail about the faint telepathic link all of the Alorem chared. 'Your 'Thomas' has been chosen, by Yuri, as her Alorem, her protector and just as it is with all of us whom are bound, his sole purpose is now to ensure your safety and the safety of the one who has joined you.'

"Eighty cycles," Chakotay mumbled to himself, hoping that it wasn't as long as it sounded.

'Approximately fifteen days of your days. I apologize that it is so long but Yuri must draw new energy and we must defeat the Relor.'

"Why do you and the Relor fight each other?" Captain Janeway asked.

Nie answered this question. 'They are our opponents,' it said in a deep and resounding voice so they labelled him as a male as well. 'They balance us as we balance them as it has been for many millennia. However as of late the balance has been shifted and many of our Yuri have been eliminated. The one you now have is our youngest Yuri, our newest responsibility and our most fragile. That she should choose to create a new Alorem so early is either a great testament to the character of your 'Thomas Paris' or a testament to her desperation.' Chakotay was betting it was the latter.

A white pulse of energy ran up Jura and 'she' turned to the rest of her kind. 'We must leave. Relor,' she informed them. Nie nodded and after giving a slight bow he transformed into energy and vanished. Jura was halfway through her transformation when she realized that Osa was not following. 'Osa…' her voice was hollow and seemed to have no source. It was heard everywhere at once.

'One moment,' he said and looked back to the man who now had bore a deep responsibility. 'I do not know you but you've been chosen, child. Rest for now. It may be a long while before you can again.' Tom stared up at him without expression and gave a slight nod. Osa touched Tom's face. White energy passed through the young man and he was unconscious. The Doctor scanned him. 'He is not harmed.' The Doctor glanced and the strange being and closed his tricorder. Osa moved away from Tom and looked to the others. 'We will return for our Yuri and our Alorem. I'm sorry this meeting is brief but our own need assistance,' he faded away and a bodiless voice thanked them before fading as well.

They all glanced around at each other, none of them knowing what to say. Tom lay on the biobed oblivious to it all. Kathryn looked at Chakotay and shrugged. "I guess you're baby-sitting, Commander."

End Part 1

Sagga Bott…


	2. Chapter 2

Betwixt and Between

Part 2

He wasn't sure whether he was grateful or not that they were no longer on Voyager. It had been very difficult, these last several days. Adjusting to his new status as 'Seo' and carrier of 'Yuri' had not been so hard. What bothered him was his constant shadow –his 'Alorem'. He glanced at the silent, watchful figure and returned to his brooding. Why of all people, Tom Paris? Was this a cruel joke cooked up by the spirits to test him, or punish him, or just annoy him? He didn't know why this situation occurred but he knew that there was no getting out of it. It would be a minimum of three more days before 'Yuri' was strong enough to leave him and even then it may not be safe enough for the young energy being to go. Chakotay sighed quietly and Tom glanced back at him before returning his gaze back to the expanse before them.

Chakotay's eyes narrowed. Tom was suddenly very attuned to him. The slightest changes in his mood or comfort seemed to be noticed by the pilot. Sure, Tom had always been able to read him very well (something which still irritated the hell out of the Commander since Tom used that particular ability to annoy him, or he used to) but this was taking it to an extreme that Chakotay was not comfortable with. It had been bad enough walking around the corridors of Voyager with Tom at his side or somewhere nearby. He swore he heard the crew laughing at him once they thought he was out of earshot but he did not dwell on it. He had a duty to do –to keep Yuri safe- and so did Tom. It was plain to see that Paris took his new role as protector very seriously and Chakotay was somewhat grateful that Paris wasn't being an ass about it. No, it seemed that this time around their roles would be reversed. This time Tom was the quiet protector and the one in charge, while Chakotay was the subordinate and protectorate.

He looked at the padd they had taken with the chronometer and noticed that it was nearly 2300 ships time but on this planet the twin suns were only starting to set. They'd been here four standard days. They'd decided to leave Voyager, at least temporarily until this whole situation was settled. There had been numerous attacks on Chakotay by the Relor since this whole incident began and each progressive attack caused more and more damage to both the ship and the crew. Usually the Relor, another species of energy beings, attacked Alorem but it seemed that the Relor where getting used to attacking matter and thus were causing more damage with each incident. The day before they'd departed two crewmen were badly injured during a Relor attack on the ship. To Chakotay's surprise Tom had decided that they had to leave Voyager and even when Chakotay protested the look in the pilot's eyes showed that 'no' was not an acceptable response, and so they'd taken a shuttle and left, leaving only the briefest of messages to the Captain to explain their sudden departure.

The trip to this M-class planet labelled by sensors simply as PLM-56H was the fourth planet in a binary system. It had taken them eighteen hours to get here by shuttle and Tom had masked their ion trail using some Alorem trick or ability such that nobody could follow them. For Chakotay it had been eighteen hours of quiet thought and silent ranting mostly. There was nothing to keep him occupied other than manning a station unnecessarily since Paris seemed to have everything under control and all contingencies worked out. So Chakotay was left to sit back and contemplate the situation. He now reminded himself never to do so much steady thinking at once –he didn't like the conclusions that his brain came up with.

He looked carefully over Tom and though his back was facing the commander, Chakotay was aware of the wounds, bruises and scars that addled Paris's body; marks that without proper medical treatment would soon be permanent. Chakotay, like Tom, felt an awareness of the other man now that he had Yuri but it seemed to be only an awareness of his physical state as though Yuri needed to know the status of her guard at all times. He felt a wave of sadness as he acknowledged that those wounds were obtained while Tom was not only defending he and Yuri, but also Voyager's crew. There was and intense loyalty in Paris that Chakotay had only witnessed previously when Tom interacted with Janeway, Harry and the other few whom Tom considered his close friends. Somewhere within him, Chakotay wished that he belonged to that elite group. Thanks to Yuri he'd been given that gift or curse, at the moment he wasn't sure which.

What he was sure of, was that he couldn't take much more silence. Tom hardly said more than a dozen words a day since this trip began -if he was lucky. On Voyager it hadn't been so bad. There were other distractions and other people to converse with. Tom had actually been more comfortable on Voyager too. The two of them were even able to hold a few civilised and even friendly conversations while they were still on the ship. Now, however, it was different. Where was the vivacious loud mouth that Chakotay had told to shut up on more than one occasion? Suddenly he missed it. Maybe he just missed the normalcy of what he had twelve days ago. That had to be it. There was no way he missed Tom Paris's attitude. A beam of light shone into his eyes making Chakotay squint and draw his hands up.

"Sorry, Seo," Tom said softly and moved his battleth to a different position since the light had bounced off the smooth surface and into Chakotay's eyes. Chakotay only nodded and returned his gaze to the sunsets. Just a few more days –he could handle that. He looked at the vivid bruise on Tom's forearm and hoped that Paris would survive this mission. Suddenly, he had the unsettling thought that if Paris didn't make it they'd be loosing a good man, a thought which a few days ago he was not sure would have had, or at least acknowledged.

Meanwhile on Voyager, efforts continued to locate their two wayward crewmen. It'd been over a week since they'd left the ship and the crew had been searching for them ever since. Sure the message had said not to look for them but they were not going to let Tom and Chakotay face the threat of the Relor alone. They were one crew out here and they'd leave no one to the mercy of someone who chose to be their enemy. Most of the damage from the Relor attacks had been repaired as Lt. Torres had her crews working double time to get the ship running at peak efficiency. Her worry for the two missing men came out as hostility but everybody seemed to understand and did their duties without complaint. The command staff would have ignored any complaints anyway. They were busy with more exigent matters.

Commander Tuvok walked onto the bridge and relieved Lt. Ayala from the Tactical station. "The aft targeting sensor is off by point zero three eight radians and the last security sweep revealed no Relor activity in the area," Ayala informed Tuvok. Who nodded in typical Vulcan fashion.

"Is there any new information regarding Commander Chakotay and Lieutenant Paris?" Tuvok questioned.

"None sir," Ayala responded watching Tuvok carefully for any sign of response. "But we'll find them," he said assuredly.

"That we will," Tuvok agreed and Ayala smiled a small smile.

The shift continued, Captain Janeway eventually making it to the bridge and new search patterns and scanner modifications were tried in an attempt to find their crewmen. When the sensors noted the energy signature of the Alorem there was no longer any sense of surprise in the crew. They'd received a few visits from these beings since the first one. The Alorem had explained in more detail the changes to Chakotay, which were very few and the changes to Paris, which were numerous but as the Alorem repeatedly told them, not as far from the man they know as what they might expect. The Alorem were always aware of other Alorem and somewhat of the dormant Yuri, their location and their state, but they were sketchy on the details, which worried the Captain. She watched the dance of energy as the Alorem materialized and recalled that they'd explained the reason for secrecy in one of their last visits. They didn't want the Relor to pick up on any communications between Tom and the other Alorem so they had limited contact, keeping Yuri safe.

Two large beings appeared on the bridge, all eyes riveted on the process of their travel. They looked directly at the Captain, practically ignoring everybody else. The Alorem were like that sometimes. All of their attention focussed on one thing, one goal –much the way Tom had been before he'd left with the Commander.

"Welcome back," Janeway greeted, standing up. "Any news?"

'They are well, for now,' Nie responded.

'The Relor are preparing to mount a large attack. We feel them fortifying their warriors. They will attack at once and no single Alorem will be able to defend against them all,' Osa said in his usual soft tone.

"They're in danger," Janeway stated. "We need their location so that we can find and help them."

'No. You could not help them before and you cannot now. Your weapons will not hurt them-'

"But Tom used a battleth." Harry blurted out and felt himself go red as they all looked at him.

'True but he equipped the weapon with our energy making it an effective weapon against the Relor.'

"Then maybe we could do the same," Janeway suggested and she watched curiously as the Alorem looked at each other. This had never happened before in all the millennia of their existence. Never had other beings been able to or even offered to assist. Of course those matter-beings had never been chosen to care fore one of their precious charges before either. It seemed like this was the time to start breaking records.

'We thank you for your help and will assist in any way possible to ensure the best results,' Osa replied with a bow.

Chakotay ate another piece of fruit and licked his fingers. God, he was hungry. He didn't know when last he'd eaten. Every once in while Tom would go out and gather some of the local vegetation for them to eat as they had abandoned the shuttle after cutting all power. Tom worried that any energy signature would be enough for the Relor to find them and he was not willing to take any chances.

"Aren't you going to eat?" Chakotay asked picking up his favourite fruit. He noticed it was the last one of its kind. He'd eaten all of them but one and Tom had eaten none. There were still other vegetables but the one he had tasted the best.

"I'll eat later. You have to keep your strength, Seo," Tom said. "Yuri needs you."

Chakotay tried to recall when he's seen Tom eat and found that he couldn't. He knew the man ate. He'd noticed before a decrease in the stockpile of food one time after he had awoken but he didn't think that Tom was getting nearly enough. He held out the last of his favourite fruit to Tom. "Eat it. That's an order lieutenant." Tom just stared at him as though he didn't recognize him. He reached for on of the blander vegetables and began eating that.

Tom turned back to the expanse outside their shelter, which was really nothing more that a wide fissure in the side of an escarpment. "I don't like those ones," Tom informed them. "They're sour."

Chakotay looked at Tom and opened himself to the awareness that he'd been ignoring and suppressing since he'd discovered it. He felt a series of wounds, some new and others, very old. He opened himself more to it, testing the extent of this new ability and began to feel a small fraction of the pain that Tom felt. Abruptly he stopped and stared at the back of Tom's head with wide eyes. Just how badly was Tom hurt? Chakotay had a bad feeling it was worse than he thought. He moved over to the Tom in the confines of their shelter. Tom glanced at him questioningly but since Chakotay was not hurt he did not ask.

"Tom did you bring the med kit?" Chakotay asked.

"Yes."

"Can I see it?" Chakotay asked.

"You're not hurt," Tom stated.

"But you are."

"We can't risk it. The energy signature of the regenerator might alert them to our location."

"But you're hurt."

"I'll live."

Chakotay glared at the stubborn man. "Are you sure?" Tom didn't respond. He wasn't sure and the silence only made Chakotay worry more.

The last day of the eighty cycles had come and gone and Chakotay had started to feel the effects of the being within him. Tom had explained what he knew of Yuri to Chakotay, saying that their energies where not the same, or even close, so there was interference which caused the nausea and disorientation that Chakotay was experiencing. Tom estimated that Yuri would leave him within twenty-four hours. It was now just as uncomfortable for Yuri to be within the Commander as it was for the Commander to have Yuri within him.

Voyager was speeding towards a small planet which they'd been informed held Chakotay and Paris. They had not been given any details about their condition and thus the entire crew waited tensely for any news on the missing men. The modified weapons were almost ready though they were untested and thus their effectiveness was not known. The Alorem had infused four torpedoes with some of their energy. Modifications to the phasers were also made, however, the type of energy that the Alorem had indicated would be harmful to the Relor was beyond the range of the phaser banks and thus the modifications would only work temporarily against the Relor.

"We're in visual range," Ensign Hamilton stated from the helm.

"On screen," the Captain ordered and the viewscreen change from an expanse of stars to planet with a few large bodies of water but mostly desert and a few scattered forests. "Scan the surface for lifesigns."

There were several seconds of silence as Harry did so. "No lifesigns," he announced trying to hide his disappointment.

Janeway walked down to the conn. "Are these the coordinates we were given?"

"Yes Captain," the pilot replied.

"Captain, I've found the shuttle on sensors," said Kim. "All the systems have been shut down."

"Well then they must be down there somewhere-" her words were cut off as the ship went to red alert and warnings sounded.

"Relor!" Harry announced. They'd added a subcommand to the computer that whenever Relor energy signatures were locate in close proximity to Voyager the ship would go to red alert. They'd had too many surprise attacks from these beings.

"Send a broad range signal to the surface. Tell them that were here and so are the Relor. If they have their commbadges they may be able to get it even through the interference cause by the Relor."

Kim nodded and did as she instructed. After a few moments he told them, "there's no response and I'm detecting what may be Relor energy signatures forming on the surface."

"Harry, run continuous scans of the surface. The moment they show up on sensors, I want Tom and Chakotay beamed to sickbay." She didn't wait for him to acknowledge. She turned back to the viewscreen and wondered what the hell was going on down there.

It had started with a tingling feeling moving down his back –a warning. With slow careful movements he raised his battleth to the ready and carefully scanned the area with his eyes for Relor. Chakotay watched Tom's movements and wondered what was going on. Tom turned and his eyes were caught by something behind the commander. He gripped the weapon tightly and it began to glow with a low energy. "Seo, don't move," Tom ordered and slowly approached, crouching in the small shelter. Chakotay's eyes followed his movements and worried. As he contemplated what the problem was and wondered how long it would take for them to get to the shuttle and power it up again, a shadow past before his eyes but before he could react Tom had swung the batleth. His movements had been so quick the only true evidence that Tom had moved at all was the breeze that he felt on his arm and side, and the mass of energy that went white and then disintegrated around him.

"We have to move," Tom said and helped Chakotay out of the cave.

"Where to?" Chakotay asked feeling winded even after such little movement.

Tom looked around. "We have to stay close to the mountains. The denser the mass, the more difficult it is for the Relor to get to us." It made some sense to Chakotay. From what he'd learnt of the Relor and Alorem they were both capable of taking on physical and energy states but they were vulnerable in the physical state. When in their more powerful energy state they move best through a vacuum. In turn, materials were the inter-atomic spacing was larger like gases they could move fairly well but not so much through solids where the spacing was smaller.

They had only begun to walk away from their previous hideout when suddenly Tom grabbed him and pulled them both to the ground. Around them lights began to flash as though something was hitting a forcefield around them. He heard Tom breathing heavily and felt the man's movements on his back. Chakotay turned his head to see the younger man's face and found that it was creased with pain. "Tom," Chakotay breathed.

The eyes flew open and such raw pain and strength was visible in the blue depths of his eyes. Their eyes met and held. This moment was burned into his memory and would be a source of comfort and sorrow for many years to come. The assault on the barrier increased and Tom and Chakotay were bathed in white light. Tom's body tensed and a tingling feeling rushed over him as he strained to continue protecting them.

There was a sudden decrease in the assault and Tom sighed in what Chakotay assumed was relief. When the attacks stopped Tom moaned and slowly rolled off Chakotay. They were both breathing heavily but Tom didn't waste time to catch his breath. He reached for his battleth and visually scanned the area. He rose to a crouch.

A dozen meters away familiar swirls of energy coalesced and approached. Chakotay recognized Osa and Nie but the other one was made up of a much darker energy almost black with dark grey clothing. It glided past Chakotay to Tom who seemed to have trouble breathing. Osa and Nie went Chakotay but the commander noticed that much of Osa's attention was on Tom. Looking behind him Chakotay saw the dark being run some of its energy over Tom's body almost like a scanner. It looked to Osa and a silent message was sent between the two.

"Is he alright?" Chakotay asked. Despite the situation he was still the commanding officer and therefore Tom was his responsibility. Osa didn't respond but if Chakotay was reading the strangely plain but no less handsome features of Osa correctly the news was not good.

Chakotay turned but was kept from moving towards Tom by Nie. A sudden sound nearly caused the Commander to jump out of skin. There had been almost total silence after the attack but then the voice of Kathryn Janeway was heard from Chakotay's commbadge. Tom had set the commbadges to be used only as passive receiving devices so that they could only receive transmissions not send them –nor could the device work as a homing beacon.

The message was unclear due to some unknown interference but Chakotay got the gist of it. Voyager was in orbit looking for them but their lifesigns weren't showing up. Chakotay asked Nie, whose attention he had, "Why can't they find us?"

"Thomas has masked your bio readings. It was a very intelligent thing to do. Most of us would likely have over looked the energy created by physical forms and the Relor would have found you much earlier," Nie responded.

"They're coming back," Tom said softly and rose painfully to his feet. Even the Alorem seemed dismayed by the pool of blood at his feet that had dribble down his side.

"Shit." Chakotay moved to Paris.

"I'll survive," Tom said with tired version of his usual smirk but Chakoay was relieved to see it. He couldn't be hurt that badly if he could still be a smart-ass. He looked to Osa and Nie and spoke to them in a language that Chakotay did not recognize and the translator could not decipher.

Osa responded but seemed mildly surprised that Thomas knew their language. He was becoming rather fond of this young one and hoped that when this was over Thomas would continue to astound him for a long time to come. "Send a message to your ship," Osa ordered to Chakotay who removed his commbadge and set it to send messages. "The Relor will return quickly and the window of opportunity will be small."

"Why?" Chakotay asked as he placed the protective casing back on the device.

"Our energy signatures as well as the Relor's are interfering with your transporters. We will leave so that you may be returned but once we do the Relor will no doubt attack in full force."

Chakotay nodded. He contacted the Captain and gave them a rundown of the situation while Osa spoke to Tom who never took his eyes off Chakotay even for a moment.

"You enjoy his company, child?" Osa asked quietly and like a patronizing elder who already knew the answer.

"Yes, but the circumstances are not quite as pleasant," Tom responded blandly.

Osa smiled. "Sometimes it takes tragedy and hardship to push people together."

"They're ready. The modified weapons are still on stand-by but the Relor energy levels need to be higher before the targeting sensors will work." Chakotay glanced at the dark energy being who radiated warmth and comfort. It seemed to be unable to create a fully physical form unlike Nie and Osa. He'd have to save his questions until later.

"We'll be near. Good luck." Nie nodded and vanished followed by the dark one and then Osa.

Chakotay didn't waste any time and immediately tapped his commbadge. "Chakotay to Voyager, two to beam up." For several seconds they waited and Tom visibly tensed. His eyes darted around seemingly locating and counting numerous enemies. He stepped closer to Chakotay putting himself between Seo and those who would hurt him. "Chakotay to Voyager, what's the problem?"

"…static….transporter band….static…"

"Repeat! What's the problem?" Chakotay yelled. Tom took a step backwards –closer to Chakotay. The message repeated and it sounded like Harry but they couldn't be sure. Apparently there were energy fluctuations in the transporter confinement beam causing a feedback and inhibiting transport.

"Purge the transporter buffer!" Tom ordered. "You've taken a Relor and it can't be rematerialized without modifications to the compensators!"

"A purge will kill it," Chakotay half protested.

"Only if we're lucky. It's them or us, Chakotay."

Chakotay realized that it was the first time since Tom had called him anything other than Seo since this began. He didn't have time to comment on it. From nowhere spikes of energy lanced around them. Tom deflected most with his battleth but as more attacks came he had to again resort to creating a barrier to protect them. The klingon weapon was discarded and Tom resorted to whatever Alorem abilities he had been given to defend them. The attacks were more numerous and more powerful than before. Although the blast did not directly hit them the shockwave that it produced within the confines of the barrier knocked them to their knees –first Chakotay and then Tom.

The size and shape of the barrier changed from second to second. When a blast struck it, it warped and got smaller but given enough time there was a recovery. However the time between the blasts was not sufficient for full recovery and as a result the barrier volume continued to decrease. Chakotay moved to stay within the confines but noticed that Tom didn't and the barrier continued to shrink.

"Paris, move in!" Chakotay yelled but was ignored. "Damn it!" He moved towards Paris but wasn't fast enough. His strength seemed to be leaving him as Yuri became stronger. In the end he could only watch as Tom slipped past the barrier and into the foray of the battle.

The sounds astounded him. He didn't expect it to be so loud out here. It was deafening in its volume and pitch –the low pulses where loud enough to shake the ground but the shrill whine of the air being charged by the energy was high enough to crack crystal. Tom brought his hand to his ears but was careful not to let the barrier drop. More blows rained down on him when the Relor decided to shift their assault to the one creating the barrier rather than the structure itself. It was not the smartest tactical move they could have made.

Without the constant bombardment the structure recovered and increased in size, slowly but surely. Chakotay crawled along with the barrier, cautiously moving forward. If the attack began again he'd have to move back quickly but until then he was going to try and get Paris. The barrier stopped growing just as it reached Tom's back and began being hit by some of the attacks aimed at Tom. Chakotay waited anxiously for the barrier to grow, totally ignoring the bright bursts of light around him. Just one more centimeter and he'd be able to reach him.

Elsewhere but not too far away they watched hoping against all odds that the Voyager crew would be able to get the two men. Their young Alorem was weakening and this assault was too much for him.

'We must help.'

'We can't.' the white one responded. He felt the outrage of his companion touch him and it only served intensify his guilt about the current situation.

Nie's body pulsed and glowed with pent up rage. Rage at the situation, rage at Thomas, but mostly rage at his own inability to help. It was there place to defend Yuri not the humans. Those fragile little beings were not built to resist this sort of attack. They barely had a concept of what was occurring and yet they'd left them to defend themselves against their enemy. 'They are killing him!' Nie hissed.

Osa's pained response quieted the protests of those around him. 'I know.'

He waited and waited know that each second that passed was one more where Tom suffered from wound after wound and one of those may just kill him. A slight ease in the fighting was all he needed and he got it when phaser fire and photon torpedoes crashed down from the sky as though Zeus was angered. Clouds of dust were kicked up by the blast and there were shockwaves of energy from the weapons, which Chakotay surmised came from the modifications the Alorem had made. The blast knocked Chakotay backward onto his rear but the barrier grew several centimetres. The Commander lunged forward and grabbed the back of Tom's shirt which was wet to the touch. He pulled back and Tom was finally in the safety of the barrier with him.

"Spirits, Paris! The next time you do that I'll have your head," Chakotay barked but was more worried than he sounded. His hands were covered in blood and it wasn't his. "Shit," Chakotay cursed as the attacks started to pick up again. "Where are the Alorem?" he asked of Paris.

Tom was attempting to rise but having much difficult doing so. "They can't come," he coughed bringing up some blood. He absently wiped his face with the back of his hand. "Transporters won't work with them here," he said softly.

"Then what do we do?"

Tom looked at him and noted the tension in Seo. He wouldn't fail him/her. He'd get Seo out of this even if he didn't get to go with him. "Sit down and close your eyes," Tom said and moved behind the Commander. Chakotay sat warily but didn't close his eyes. When he felt Tom's arm's wrap around him from behind and the body press into his back he tensed at the nearness but it faded and Chakotay began to relax. For some reason he felt more than safe. He felt…cherished. He revelled in the comfort of it for as long as possible, cataloguing it, memorizing it in case he never felt it again. At least he'd have this to look back on and keep him somewhat warm.

Tom closed his eyes and concentrated. He could do this, he told himself. He had little choice-he would not fail them not this time. He didn't feel the change in his body as all his energy was gathered. Chakotay on the other hand felt a tingling wherever Tom and he were in contact. Chakotay looked down at Tom's arms and saw a faint glow emanating from him.

"Harry, what's going on down there?" Janeway asked looking at the display on the screen. There were faint energy beings flitting across that surface of the planet and a whole lot of what she assumed was weapons fire. There was no sign of Chakotay and Tom.

"I'm detecting a build up Alorem energy from the center of the clash. It's gone!" Harry announced sounding startled and a moment later there was a spectacular burst of light and energy from the planet's surface. A wave of energy spread across the surface of the planet like a ripple, with Tom and Chakotay at its origin.

There was another pulse of energy from the same location only this time the energy shot straight up parting the clouds as it passed and causing a shudder to pass through Voyager. An instant later the display was over and two clear lifesigns were located by sensors surrounded by a few Relor.

"I have them," Kim said.

"Get them up here!" she barked. They were out of the modified weapons and the phasers no longer had much effect on the Relor. They had to get them back in the lull of activity or they may not get another chance.

"I can't get a lock. I'm going to try a sweep transport."

On the surface there was only a low rumble that emanated from the earth as the wave of energy passed over it. Even on the other side of the planet they could still feel its power and just as suddenly as it had begun, it stopped. Silence was held for several seconds.

"Did it work?" Chakotay asked softly. He looked around and saw nothing but barren landscape and the mountain range. There was no sign of the Relor. He felt the arms around him slacken and the warmth at his back fall away. "Tom!"

Tom felt as though he was watching a vid. He saw the energy destroy many of the Relor and push many of them back into their realm. He watched as his body fell to the ground watery blue eyes staring sightlessly up ward. He watched Chakotay move frantically to him and touch him. He felt the touch on his face and the worry of his Seo and knew that if he was going to die it wasn't going to be now.

"Tom, look at me!" Chakotay yelled. He held his breath as he waited for a response. He touched the side of Tom's pale face and was dismayed at the cool and clammy feel. "Tom, look at me!" The eyes snapped to his and Chakotay smiled in relief at the recognition he saw there. He didn't notice at first when the setting changed.

He looked around noting the shuttles and the large bay doors of the vast room –the shuttle bay. He felt Tom stir. He was trying to sit up and Chakotay moved to help him. He felt infinitely better being back on Voyager but still worried that the crew would be in danger. He had just helped Tom into a sitting position when he felt the first flare of pain within him. He froze.

Tom looked quickly to him having felt the change. He briefly saw a wave of familiar energy. "Yuri," he whispered. Tom looked around and saw the Relor energy forms coming. Yuri's signature was far more noticeable than his or Seo's especially now that Yuri was no longer dormant. "You have to go," Tom said to Yuri. He looked at Chakotay's face that was twisted in a grimace of pain and wished he could take that pain away. "I'll protect you, both of you, always." A pause. "Please, you're hurting him," Tom whispered, the pain and fatigue making his voice hoarse.

The doors to the shuttle bay opened and Captain Janeway and full security team entered. They noted the masses of energy forming and gestured for the officers to take aim but not fire, not yet. They were left to watch from a distance the removal of Yuri from Chakotay. The being seemed to pour out from him into the air and coalesce into the form they had first encountered those many days ago. Chakotay hunched over and held his sides as Yuri left him.

"Osa," Tom called softly knowing that he'd come and take Yuri to safety. He had to get Yuri out of here before the Relor were able to attack her. A portal opened and after flying once around Tom and Chakotay as though thanking them, she left through the opening into the safe haven of her realm.

The officers witnessing the event expected the Relor to fade away when their target left but they were not so fortunate. They continued to develop and once there were fully formed they attacked Tom and the Commander.

"Fire at will!" Janeway ordered and raised her own weapon. The beings decreased in number but it took some work as phasers had little effect on them. They just had to weaken them enough so that they realised it was not such a good idea to stay and try to enact their vengeance. Soon it was quiet again. Cautiously they rose from their positions and moved closer to Paris and Chakotay. Tuvok ordered a few of the officers to secure the premises.

Janeway smiled as she approached them but it faltered and fell when she got a good look at them. Chakotay looked tired but other wise fine, Tom however was another matter. His uniform was tattered and burned. Rivulets of blood ran down his hands and dropped to the metal floor. What was left of his grey shirt was stained a deep red by his blood. His eyes had lost their sparkle; they were haunted and glassy. She didn't hesitate to tap her commbadge and call for an emergency medical beam out as soon as possible. With the residual Relor and Alorem energy it may take some time and she was unsure if Tom had any to spare.

"Why are we in the suttlebay?" Chakotay rasped in a voice that sounded dry and unused. He stepped from around Paris to look at his Captain. His hand still rubbed at his midsection.

"The energy caught in the transport couldn't be safely contained anywhere but here," she explained shortly. She could get into the details later.

Without warning Tom took a step forward and to his left, just in front of Chakotay. The watched curiously and with a fair amount of worry as Tom reached out to touch something that they could not see. It was eerily reminiscent of what Chakotay had done on the bridge when Yuri had first appeared to them. Just before he touched it something startled him and he stepped backward. He gestured for everyone to back away. They did so. Tom raised both his hands, palms facing outward. There was a clash of two different energies and the other being became visible. The security officers quickly fired at it but there was of no consequence the modifications were no longer effective against the Relor.

Janeway barked orders and Tuvok recalibrated his phaser with no effect. Their eyes caught the outline of something that looked like a blade or spear within the Relor energy being but didn't have time to utter a warning before the weapon shot out. Thankfully it was deflected by Tom's barrier and the being retreated to its own realm.

Tom turned around to ask Chakotay if he was all right. The wide-eyed startled look on Chakotay's face confused him briefly until his connection to Seo allowed him to understand. He turned half way around and raised his hand hoping to defend them from the sudden assault. A large Relor had quickly formed and so had its deadly blade. Its intent was clear –kill Seo. With lightening speed the spike race forward and after only a momentary pause, it passed through Tom' barrier. The Relor weapon had, for a moment, a physical presence –allowing it interact with matter –passing through the air, Tom's clothing and into the flesh at his side. He gasped and would have collapse but the weapon held his weight. Tom felt it moving through him. It would get through him and then it would kill Chakotay. He wouldn't allow that to happen. He did what he'd done many times before but this time with new desperation. He was weaker now than he had been before and he wasn't sure if he had enough energy to kill this one.

He placed his hand on the weapon that protruded from his body and concentrated. 'Osa, help me. Please…'. Tom could swear he saw a hand over his own just before the Relor began to revert to millions of tiny particles. It vanished nearly instantaneously and Tom staggered.

Before the others could reach them Chakotay had Tom in his arms, supporting the man as his strength gave out. Chakotay collapsed to his knees still holding him. The pilot's head was on his shoulder. He felt the faltering breaths leave Tom's body. "Get him to sickbay!" Chakotay yelled not taking his eyes of the blonde head next to his.

Tuvok did as Chakotay instructed and contacted the transporter room but it would not be enough. Before their very eyes Tom began to disintegrate just as had happened to the Relor a moment ago. "Tom, hang on!" Janeway said moving to his side and laying a hand on his shaking shoulder. His face was tight with pain. He mouthed something softly. Only Chakotay's ear was close enough to hear him.

"No, no, no! You're going to be fine," Chakotay told him in a shaking voice. "You're going to be fine." He sounded as though he was trying to convince himself and still Tom repeated the same thing over and over again. His chest began to convert to energy and vanish. The tingling feeling passed under Chakotay's hands and he held on tighter as though his strength could hold Tom together long enough for them to get help. Where were the Alorem? Why weren't they here?

The process continued, moving up his neck to his head and even his hair until in a fading glow of light the particles disappeared. His weight vanished as the last particle began to fade. Chakotay's arms which only a moment ago had been holding a solid person collapsed to his own chest as the other man vanished. He held them there with his eyes close for many moments unwilling to acknowledge the truth. When he finally opened his eyes there was nothing. His arms were empty –the weight and the warmth were gone. Staring at the empty space he rocked back to his haunches screaming silently to himself that he had to do something. His breathing rate increased until it was nearly painful. Closing his shaking hands into fists he bowed his head and did nothing to hide the tears that slipped from his eyes.

It was over. They'd fought and they'd lost. They'd lost Tom and Chakotay felt something in his heart go as well.

He could still feel Tom whisper in his ear. "I'm sorry. I failed. I'm sorry….

End Part 2

Sagga Bott…


	3. Chapter 3

Betwixt and Between

Part 3

The mood of the crew was subdued. The news of the loss of Tom Paris spread quickly and quietly throughout the crew but even after twenty-four hours Captain Janeway had not made an official announcement. She had held out hope that somehow Tom would be found but now she knew she was just delaying the inevitable. Nobody was in a hurry for her to make the announcement anyway. They'd underestimated the role that Tom played on Voyager and his loss was difficult to accept. The worst part of it was that Tom had died thinking that he was hated by the majority of the crew. The truth was Tom had proven himself time and time again during their journey the problem was that most people never had the opportunity to tell him that their opinion had changed. Even those who a few days ago would never had admitted to being Tom Paris' friend were now part of the fan club. There would always be those who disliked him but they could not doubt his skill at the helm or his loyalty to the crew.

The details of Tom's demise where not made public officially. Chakotay had yet to file a report on the incident and those who had been in the shuttle bay when Tom had vanished had not spread what had happened unless specifically asked. The result was that the few who knew the details were well informed, which meant that there were no wild rumours regarding such a serious matter. For one, Harry Kim was grateful that he didn't hear any rumours. He was having trouble dealing with Tom's death. In public he was still the same old Harry, a little more subdued but still Harry. Off duty and away from prying eyes it was a different story. In his quarters he was restless and even playing his clarinet wasn't the same. He recalled when Tom used to sit and just listen to him practice and no matter how badly he played Tom always enjoyed it. It was more than a shame that he'd never be able to share little moments like that with Tom again but he wasn't just ready to let go yet. That's how one night he found himself standing in front of Tom's quarters. It seemed like it'd been ages since he was in there last. Harry punched in Tom's code and walked in.

Tom's belonging hadn't been moved out yet. Harry doubted that anybody had even thought about emptying Tom's quarters. He looked around the familiar room recognizing the artefacts therein and recalling the stories behind them. He could see the clothing and other apparel haphazardly thrown about the sleeping area and the stack of vid files had toppled, probably during the last battle. One thing that Harry not expected to see in Tom's quarters was the first officer sitting in a chair in the back corner. In his hands he clasped one of Tom's shirts. It had probably been thrown over the chair by Tom. Harry glanced around trying to make sure his eyes weren't playing tricks on him but when he looked back Chakotay was still there. It was well into gamma shift, nearly 0300. Of all the places he would have expected to find Chakotay, Tom's quarters was not among them.

"Commander, what are you doing here?" Harry asked slowly.

Chakotay looked up from his dark corner. "I could ask you the same thing." He place the shirt on the back of the chair where he'd found it and looked at Harry again. "I'm not sure why I'm here." Chakotay had found himself restless in his quarters. It was a familiar feeling. He'd felt this way before the encounter with the Alorem. It had caused him to lash out at people, especially Tom, and he was still unsure as to why. He'd been unable to meditate recently and thus he'd come here seeking answers in the waking world. "Harry, can I ask you something?" Harry continued to stare at him and didn't look too friendly. "Did Tom hate me?"

Harry laughed harshly. "Hate you?" He looked up at the ceiling, trying to find the words he needed. "You really have no idea." Harry sat heavily on the couch and fingered the keys of his clarinet. "He didn't hate you. I don't think he ever did." Harry smiled at a memory. "I don't think he ever could." Before Chakotay could ask another question Harry began to play his clarinet and Chakotay was loath to stop the soothing sound. He knew that Tom used to listen to Harry play the clarinet. He supposed the Ensign just wanted to feel close to Tom again. Maybe that's the reason he'd come here as well.

When he closed his eyes and listen to the music he saw the last week flash before him like a slide show. His most cherished memories of that time also brought the most hurt. He recalled the pain he'd seen in Tom's eyes when they'd been on the planet. He remembered the feel of Tom's arms around him and even when he had thought all was lost he had still felt safe there. He didn't know if he'd ever feel that way again. He hoped so. Chakotay decided to leave the contemplation for other lonely moments, of which he was sure there would be many. For now he just wanted to listen.

The hauntingly sweet sound from the clarinet filled the room and the presence of two of the greatest forces in Tom's life of recent years brought life to the once cold and empty room. With Tom's absence it was just another room, but just for while they could imagine that it wasn't –just until the last note died.

It had now been two days since Tom's death and Captain Janeway decided that she could not put off making the announcement and entering it into the log. Currently she was sitting on the bridge thinking through the long silences that deck one was now prone to. She stared at the helm and sighed silently. To her left Chakotay sat rigid –lost somewhere in his thoughts and memories. Kathryn had been surprised at how hard Chakotay had taken Tom's loss. She wondered what he and Tom had shared when they were away from Voyager. She was curious but refrained from asking.

She sat staring alternately at the viewscreen and then at Pablo Baytart who was at the helm. He'd be the new Chief Helmsman once Tom's death was logged. She continued to sit there. She was putting off the inevitable but writing it in the log would make it official and force those who would hold on, to give up. Usually she was more practical, less emotional, but this crew had become her family and giving up family was never easy, no matter the circumstances.

Rubbing at her eyes she sat forward in her chair trying to capture the strength to get her to the ready room where she could make the log. Just as she was about to stand a small thread of light appeared on the centre of the bridge. At first she didn't know what it could be but then she realized that they had not seen the Alorem (or the Relor) since the incident. Seems the Alorem had finally decided to pay them a visit. Janeway sat back a waited for the light show to end.

The usual duties continued as the Alorem appeared. Few lingered to watch anymore. There was a sense of hostility towards the Alorem that seemed to have permeated the majority of the crew. The hostility would fade of course but it was easy to blame the Alorem for recent events. They put the whole ship in danger, hijacked the first officer to hide one of their own and used the chief helmsman as a human shield. And only after two days did they decide to visit Voyager. It was just too easy to dislike people when you're in such an enclosed environment like Voyager. The crew needed someone to direct their anger at. For the first leg of their journey it was Tom and to an extent it still was, but without him it looked like the Alorem were going to be taking his place.

Three forms appeared. A blue one, Nie, a black one and a white one, Osa. Osa looked larger than usual and appeared less distinct –more like energy than matter. It was Nie who spoke first. 'Captain Janeway. Seo.' he greeted each with a nod. Janeway nodded in return. Chakotay just sat and stared with restrained anger. 'I'm sorry to bother you at this time but it was most important that we meet with you.' Nie looked over to Osa and then back to the commanding officers. 'We have something that belongs to you.'

"What would that be?" Captain Janeway asked. She wasn't even trying to follow what Nie was saying.

Osa stepped forward a little and became a little more solid. He tilted his head back and allowed that hood that he usually wore to fall back. The Voyager crew had never realised that the Alorem wore hoods. It was usually fairly hard to see details on them due to their aura; without the hood though they could see almost everything. Osa had pure white hair that moved in invisible currents. His eyes were slender and white and had a pearly shine to them. His skin was pale and the smooth curve of his face was slightly interrupted by a fine nose and slender lips. The other two beings followed Osa's example and removed their hoods as well. They all looked very similar except for their colour and slight changes to their facial structure. Osa's face was masculine but Nie's jaw was sharper and his eyes more harsh. The black being had very similar features to Osa except that they were feminine and the eyes where a silvery-grey that slowly shifted hues like plumes of smoke.

Osa looked at Chakotay and smiled. The motion was hazy as the movement caused a minute reversion to energy. When he spoke the movements of his mouth did not seem exact enough to produce the words they heard. 'Five cycles ago there was a disturbance in our space. Unbalanced energy was brought to us. It would have faded and died but it didn't. I went to it and with help,' looking to the Alorem next to him, 'it was saved.'

"What was this 'it'?" Janeway asked her suspicions rising.

'Thomas.'

Looking down she shook her head. "Tom died two days ago."

'No. He was cast into our realm but he could not survive there. Unbalanced energy fades. It dies, unless we intervene. We did.'

Kathryn stood. "Tom's alive?" The whole bridge was listening.

Osa nodded. 'A little different, injured, but alive.' No one said anything. The silence extended so Osa continued. 'I had to help him. He'd done so much for us and for Seo. He was already one of our brothers in spirit. Now he's one of us in body as well.'

"What do you mean? Where is he?" inquired Kathryn.

'A template was required to make him one of us. I volunteered. Tom's right here,' Osa whispered and looked down into his arms, 'and he's...my son.'

They'd overlooked the bulge in his arms before as other things had held their attention but now they could see why Osa had looked bigger that his nine-foot form usually was. Kathryn moved closer. There was a thin fabric covering the bundle in his arms. The dark being gently pulled the white cloth away causing it to fade into nothing and revealing the man beneath. Kathryn was stunned. She brought a hand to cover her mouth. "Tom?" Harry whispered from somewhere behind her. The dark being placed a hand on Tom and a pulse of energy passed over him. She looked up to Osa and shook her head sadly before moving away. Osa looked disheartened by the news but didn't share the reason for his pain with them. Instead he shifted Tom in his arms so that he could support him with one arm, freeing the other. This allowed those present to get a better look.

He still looked like Tom. The hair was lighter than they remember –more gold and less red in it and even some white highlights. His face was the same but the features were softer less sharp, more like Osa's. Osa touched his face and gently called his name. When the eyes opened they were still the same blue they'd always been. 'Paka.' Osa smiled at him and looked at the Voyager crew. Tom followed his gaze. 'Why?' he asked. His skin looked pale from the aura that emanated from both him and Osa and his voice was weak but had the same hollow echo as the other Alorem.

'You're hurt, Thomas. You need them. And this is where you belong.'

He tried to shake his head but the movement cause too much pain. 'No.' He closed his eyes. 'I don't want to be here.' He turned away from them and whispered. 'They hate me.' In the silence some were still able to hear him. 'I want to go home…'

'You don't believe that,' Osa said. He put Tom's feet to the ground and allowed him to stand under his own strength. He was barely able to. Osa stayed very close to him as Tom looked around. There was hardly any recognition on his face. As he looked at them the crew was also looking at him. His robe left his arms bare and they could see marks criss-crossing areas of his skin.

'I'm tired.' Tom hung his head. The world was spinning and he couldn't get it to stop. Why was he back here? He wanted to go home.

'Captain Janeway, we're unfamiliar with you're physiology, hence our healing methods are not entirely effective on Thomas. Could you have your physician look at him?'

"Of course."

'I said, I don't want to be here,' Tom grumbled and tried to move away. His legs gave out and Osa caught him as he fell and gently put him down.

Osa whispered something to him and then asked. 'Are you sure?' Tom chose to look away rather than answer and Osa ran a hand through the gold hair. 'We'll visit, Thomas. We don't abandon our own. If you still want to come back with us in a few rotations then you can come but not until then.'

'Paka…'

'I'll be back soon.' He hugged the smaller man and stood. 'Captain, I hope you don't mind but he's still part of your people and right now I think he needs you more.'

Tom said something in a language the Voyager's didn't know. It sounded like a curse and judging from the look on Osa's face, it was. Tom suddenly reverted to mostly energy and was getting up. With little mass, movement was much easier but with his injuries it was still slow –too slow to defend himself. Osa touched him and he reverted back to matter. He fell to the ground and was unable to get up or change back into energy.

"What…"

'I'm sorry Thomas, but you have to stay for now.' The blue eyes pleaded with him not to go. Nie opened a portal and bowed before leaving the dark being did the same. Osa was the last to leave. He gave his son a soft smile and passed through the portal. Tom closed his eyes. His breathing was uneven. He hadn't been in this form since his 'death' and the intricacies of living as a human were proving to be harder to recall than expected.

"Tom?" he recognized the voice.

"Harry." He opened his eyes and saw Harry kneeling next to him. His friend's eyes were moist with tears. "What's wrong?"

Harry shook his head. "I'm just glad you're back." His smile was weak but Tom had missed seeing it. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad here. He glanced around and saw the Captain and Baytart and they looked glad to see him but Chakotay not so much. He closed his eyes and pushed away the unwanted feelings. He attempted to get up but his muscles protested. With Harry's help he managed to stand but was leaning heavily on the ensign. "We should get you to sickbay," Harry suggested. Tom nodded once. It was all he could manage. Janeway nodded to the ensign who had moved to Harry's station and had them beamed to sickbay. Bridge activity slowly returned and Janeway sat back heavily in her chair. It seemed she wouldn't have to write that dreaded log after all. She smiled to herself. After a minute or two she announced she was heading to sickbay and left the bridge to Chakotay.

Chakotay sat in silence for several moments. His mind was in shock. Tom was back. Tom was back! He had another chance. A chance at what, he wasn't sure but there was hope. Maybe something would change, maybe this feeling he had but did not want to identify would go away. Chakotay looked over his shoulder at the Ops console to see Kim and how he was handling Tom's sudden return. The person he saw though was not Ensign Kim. For a moment Chakotay was confused but then he recalled Kim was transported away with Tom. His mind had been elsewhere at the time and he only recalled vaguely that Tom could not even stand on his own and needed Harry's help. Chakotay turned back around and wondered what was going on in Sickbay. Was Tom alright? The idea that he wasn't created and knot of dread that Chakotay had not expected. Maybe he should be there, he pondered.

Meanwhile in Sickbay the being professed to be Tom Paris was unconscious on the biobed. When he had first arrived it was apparent that he was in pain. The Doctor decided to sedate him for the time being. The Doctor began his scans and catalogued the new data he acquired. Looking over the scans there was a lot to review but even just in appearance there was a lot to take in. The Doctor had transported Tom's clothing off of him and Tom now lay under a sterile medical blanket. His clothes continued to flow and glow somewhat as some of the matter-energy conversion continued but the attention of the two Starfleet officers was not on Tom's strange clothing but on Tom himself.

After getting over the shock of seeing Tom again they started to really notice the changes in Tom's appearance. The two officers stood side-by-side and simply stared. The Doctor's ministrations went on unnoticed by them. The medical blanket covered up to Tom's chest but didn't reach his shoulders. There were marks scattered over his skin. No doubt they were scars from the fights he'd had against the Relor. Despite Osa's claims that Tom was now his son biologically, they were relieved to see that there was no major physiological change in him as far as they could tell. His facial features however were a little different and this is where most of their attention was focussed. His skin seemed paler than before-a lighter cream colour- whether that was due to his injuries or if it was just his new skin tone they were not sure. His features were softer. The sharp masculine edges were still there but they were prettier somehow. Harry snorted at the thought earning him a confused glance from the Captain so he explained briefly. "Tom used to hate it when he was a kid and people said he was pretty." Janeway stifled a laugh of her own and looked back at Tom, thinking that he may have to get used to comments like that again.

The Doctor came over to them interrupting their visual assessment of the Lieutenant. He presented his findings to them. "Well he's in mostly one piece as far as I can tell. His physiology has, technically, not changed however that is only when he exists as matter. While I've been able to account for all of his organs I have located two nodes of energy that I assume are a part of his Alorem heritage."

"Nodes of energy? What do they do?" Janeway asked.

The Doctor shrugged. "The smaller one is located in his brain which may give Mr. Paris the knowledge and instincts of the other Alorem –traits which he demonstrated earlier in his encounter with the Alorem." Kathryn recalled the sudden knowledge that Tom had when they had first encountered the Alorem. Maybe this node of energy had been in Tom all this time. "The second and more powerful node is located just right of his heart and provides this energy to the rest of his body. While I can not determine its specific purpose it would be safe to say that it is the source of whatever Alorem abilities he may acquire or already have."

There was a stretch of silence while Harry and Kathryn took in this information before Harry asked: "What about his injuries?"

"They are numerous but no longer life threatening. I'll have to perform further scans and possibly operate but he should make a full recovery. I can regenerate the marks on his skin but I'm afraid that the damage has already been done and he will have some scars left."

Janeway sighed and looked at the silent form on the bed. "At least he's alive," she said softly. The other's nodded in agreement. A few minutes ago they'd thought Tom to be lost to them forever.

Several hours and several sedatives later Tom had been released to his quarters. The Doctor had advised that Tom take it easy for a few days and Tom surprisingly had not argued. The near constant pain he was in was more than enough warning that he should not push himself too soon. The injuries that Tom had sustained damaged not only his physical form but also the flow of his energy. The combination of these injuries made full treatment impossible. While the doctor could see that the injuries were healing themselves it would be some time before Tom was in perfect form again. Until then he would have to live with the discomfort. The merger of the Alorem energy into Tom caused some changes that the Doctor found troublesome. For instance, Tom's body now metabolized foreign agents much more quickly than before, the result being that the sedatives and drugs Tom was given wore off far sooner than the Doctor anticipated. In fact during treatment, Tom had shown signs of rousing and only a quick shot from a hypospray had kept him under sedation.

Another problem that Tom's speedy metabolism incurred was that painkillers were not highly effective so relief from his numerous injuries was short-lived. After being presented with this information Tom had decided to forgo the painkillers all together. Voyager didn't have the resources to be shooting him up every hour and Tom, Alorem or not, had no affinity for sickbay and coming in on an hourly basis was neither convenient nor welcomed.

Harry had walked him to his quarters. Despite Tom's protests that he was perfectly able to make it on his own, he was grateful for Harry's presence. When they passed people in the corridors neither they nor Tom knew what to do or say. Welcome back seemed too inadequate and Tom's casual 'hello' and jovial manner was beyond him for the moment. And so nothing was said. The few crewmembers they ran into simply stared and offered some hopeful smiles.

Maybe it was just him but Tom felt that things were somehow different. His perspective had shifted and what had once fit, no longer did. Harry stayed around for a while, at Tom's request, and they spoke of inconsequential things –neither wanted to touch on the subject of Tom's violent death, quasi-resurrection and new heritage. Those heavy issues could be dealt with at a later date. Until then they would just enjoy the company.

When Harry left later that evening Tom took some time to look around and managed to find some comfort in the familiar objects that surrounded him and dotted his quarters –his home. That's what it had become –a place that was just for him, where he could be anybody that he wanted but had the added bonus of just being able to be himself. However, now he had changed. Shouldn't his home? Tom looked around and despite the slight awkwardness he could not find anything that he wanted to add, remove, or even shift.

Maybe this meant that he was still himself.

He lay down on the top of his bed covers and revelled in the comfort and warmth.

Maybe this meant that his life here was not over.

He closed his eyes.

Maybe soon it would be.

End Part 3

Sagga Bott…


	4. Chapter 4

Betwixt and Between

Part 4

It had been just twenty-four hours since Tom had been returned to Voyager and the ship was buzzing with gossip. The Captain had made an announcement that Tom was back but had left out the details, hence the sudden speculation. Harry sat alone in the Mess Hall absently listening to what others were saying. He was trying not to laugh. At another time the rumours would have really bothered him but with Tom being back, everything just seemed better and a few stupid people were not going to ruin his mood. When Lt. Torres sat down across from him Harry smiled at her and she had to smile in return.

"It's good to see you more like yourself," B'Elanna commented to Harry.

Harry shrugged. "I suppose it's better than looking like I had just lost my best friend." B'Elanna and Harry shared a smile.

B'Elanna leaned closer to him and asked in a whisper, "How's Tom doing?"

Harry's smile faltered for a moment but he reminded himself that Tom had been through a lot recently. He friggin' died! It was only natural that he would be a little out of sorts. Also, he'd only been back for one day. "He's doing as well as can be expected. His injuries are healing a little slowly so I think he's in a bit of pain. The Doc can't do much for him either except monitor his progress." B'Elanna just nodded solemnly not looking up.

"I was thinking about going to see him after my shift, but maybe I'll wait until he's feeling better."

"I think you should go see him. It might be good for him become reacquainted with his life and his friends. I don't think Tom realises how many he has." Harry smiled at her and went back to his meal.

He has all the friend he needs in you, thought B'Elanna.

In the meantime Tom was at one of his all too regular visits to Sickbay to see the Doctor –the third since he'd been back. He wanted to monitor Tom's progress very closely since this was the first he'd heard of a sentient being that held both a physical and energy form. The intricacies of such a merger astounded him and every scan found something new to add to his file. Tom is a member of the crew and quite accident-prone the Doctor needed to know as much about Tom's new physiology as possible, in the likely event that Tom was injured. While the Doctor was fascinated with the 'new' Tom, Tom himself didn't seem to care at all. While the Doctor knew that Tom didn't have much of an affinity for Sickbay the young man did not complain at all. There hadn't been one rude or snide remark about the décor, not complaints about the holo-docs attitude and not even a feigned interest in what the Doctor was doing. It was like he was sleepwalking or something. His eyes were open but he was in a world of his own.

"I'm done for the day. I'd like to see you back here the day after tomorrow," the Doc instructed. Tom nodded once, got off the biobed and left without a single word. The Doc shook his head and had the dreadful thought that maybe the Tom Paris they knew really was dead.

That afternoon Harry managed to ditch his duties early, something he never did even when Tom had whined and complained that he worked far too hard. This time though it was only his concern for his friend that made Harry decide to neglect his duties. Sonya Spencer would cover for him and he'd okayed the switch with the Commander since he was the one in charge of the roster. As he headed to Tom's quarters Harry recalled the dull look in the first officer's eyes when he mentioned Tom. He wondered if the Commander had seen or talked to Tom since he returned. Probably not, since the entire time that Harry was speaking to him Chakotay looked like he wanted to ask him about Tom. For whatever reason he didn't and Harry took it as a sign that maybe Chakotay would go see Tom himself. He hoped so. He knew it would mean a lot to Tom if he did.

When Harry arrived at Tom's door there was no response to the chime. He asked the computer for Tom's location and was informed that he was in his quarters. He touched his commbadge and called for Tom but still received no response. A little more investigating found that Tom left his commbadge in his quarters. Harry could have done an internal sweep with the sensors but decided that he'd just wait. He knew Tom's code and Tom wouldn't mind (well the Tom he knew wouldn't). Making sure that nobody saw him, Harry entered Tom's code and entered his quarters to wait. He wouldn't wait long.

The door slid open and warily he stepped through. He was almost startled when it closed behind him cutting off his escape route. He reminded himself that the door would open whenever he stepped towards it. It calmed him and he continued forward stopping a few feet from the desk. His voice was lost somewhere and he just stood there silently for a moment or two. "How've you been, Seo?" He finally managed to choke out.

The man across the desk answered plainly. "Fine." Tom nodded and looked away. His eyes searched the room and came across familiar objects. He'd been in there more than a few times –usually for a reprimand- but just like his quarters and the rest of the ship it felt just a little off.

"You strained yourself in your program," Tom said suddenly, his eyes still averted.

"What?"

Tom reached his hand to this left shoulder. "Your shoulder, it hurts you, Seo."

"How do you know that?" Chakotay asked standing up.

The question confused Tom briefly but he answered as best he could. "You're my Seo. I'll always know when you're hurt or need help."

"I don't need your help!" Chakotay yelled. The vehemence and anger surprised even him.

"I know that. I just….I wanted you to know that….you still have me…" he whispered.

"I don't want you! I don't want your protection! I don't need it! You're the last person I'd ever want help from!"

Tom stared at the floor and nodded solemnly. He understood how Chakotay felt about him. He'd made that abundantly clear since they'd been out here. What Chakotay wasn't clear about though was how Tom felt about him. He deserved to know but was it fair? Should he burden Chakotay with a confession that he didn't want to hear and would never accept, at least not from him? What was he to do? He finally looked up into Chakotay's eyes and the hatred that burned there scalded his heart. He cowered in the face of such disdain. He couldn't tell his deepest desire to someone who would just through it back at him, adulterating the purest and strongest emotion attached to his soul. He opened his mouth to say something but faltered. What words could abolish hatred that even time could not erase. He felt a familiar stinging in his eyes and looked away. "You're right. I'm sorry, Seo," Tom said.

"Don't call me that! I'm not Seo! I'm not your Seo!" He yelled and Tom flinched internally. The desire to leave this place and go home was over powering but Osa had temporarily frozen his abilities and he had no choice but to take the verbal lashing that he knew he had somehow earned. "I am your commanding officer and that's all!"

The silence screamed at him louder than Chakotay's words which remained as a torturous echo in his mind. "No you're not," Tom said to himself and Chakotay was just barely able to pick out the words. Before he could say anything Tom spoke again. He raised his eyes to the dark ones that he had hoped would one day smile at him. "I'm sorry, I bothered you. I'll give you the distance you want Commander, just…give me some time…please. It's all I ask that you pardon me when I slip up –just for a little while. I hope that's not too much to ask for."

Chakotay rage cooled into a glacier leaving him bereft. His stance relaxed and his eyes saw more without the cloud of anger obscuring his vision. The tired and browbeaten being before him finally came into focus. Had he forgotten that Tom had been through a difficult time as well, suffering hardships and pains more than he could dare imagine? Had he not known that Tom would need to adjust as well and maybe he'd need closure from the incident? Who but him was closer to Tom in this incident? Of course he'd come here and Chakotay had only taken his frustration and confusion out on an already tired man. How had he forgotten? What was wrong with him?

The slumped shoulders, the tired blue eyes, the upset etched into every finely formed feature of his face, all spoke of Tom's own perils and demons. The slightly changed characteristics –the almost glowing gold hair streaked with white, the face that only an angel could be gifted with –was a constant reminder of the more profound and, from what he'd heard, painfully changes that he'd undergone in order to survive.

"I'll go now." Tom sighed shakily. He was out the door before Chakotay could utter another word. Chakotay sank back down in his chair and stared at the door. He put his hand to his head and leaned on the top of the desk. What had he done? Tom didn't deserve that. What was wrong with him? Why did just Tom's presence stir something so deep within him that it scared him in its intensity? How could he blame Tom for something that was none of his fault? Why did he react so strongly? And how could he hurt someone that he…he cared for…more that he dared to contemplate?

He gave a short laugh that came out more like a sob. Counsellor, counsel thyself.

Tom arrived back at his quarters and knew even before he entered that Harry was there. He walked in and walked past his friend to the washroom. Harry rose from the couch and followed. He'd never seen such a portrait of emotional pain on Tom's face. He found it scared him like he'd never been scared before. Tom was supposed to be untouchable. It was like the laws of the universe had suddenly changed. Nothing hurt him. Well, not nothing. Harry knew that Tom felt just as much or more than everybody else but covered his pain better, perfectly almost.

He watched as Tom watched. Tom stood there for minutes just staring at the mirror, or more precisely the person he saw there. The person he didn't recognize. The person he didn't know. "Tom?" He heard Harry next to him but didn't respond. He looked down. He understood now. How could anybody look at him and not be angry? Who could love such an abomination? He understood now how B'Elanna felt about being a hybrid. It meant not belonging. It meant that you were a monster; that you didn't deserve to be loved or accepted. B'Elanna wasn't a monster though. His brows furrowed and he looked up at his reflection again. B'Elanna was beautiful, he'd told her so more than once and he hadn't been lying. So how was he different? Was being half-Klingon different than being half-Alorem? Yes. For one thing Alorem didn't even exist naturally on this realm. He really wasn't meant to be here. Tom raised his hand and touched the mirror, a small part of him expecting his reflection to ripple and return to what it was supposed to be –what it had always been- before this happened. That's when he noticed that Harry was there, just beyond his reflection. Harry's reflection looked him in the eye but the voice came from behind him. "You see what I see?" He asked softly as though afraid too much sound would shatter something precious.

Tom leaned forward hand splayed on one side of the mirror to take his weight. "All I see is nothing."

"I see someone who's given more than anyone could ask for and asked for nothing in return but to be accepted. I see someone who'd willingly give his life for any member of his crew and any person who's lucky enough to come his way. I see someone who's lost a lot but gained just as much. Who's made mistakes but never refused to learn from them. Someone, who I look up to and am lucky enough to call my friend. I see you Tom…"

And that's all he'd wanted. Someone who saw him and that accepted him as he was, with all his flaws, all his strengths, all of him –even if he was changed and even if he was the same. Maybe with this he'd be able to look in the mirror and see the same thing now that he knew what he was looking for. One day when his memories weren't so jumbled, when his emotions weren't so raw, when he was strong again, he'd see himself again. Until then he just needed someone to help him…someone to lean on.

"You're not alone…" Strong arms wrapped around him from behind and a warmth pressed against his back. "You'll be okay…"

The shock of having Harry hug him wore off quickly. He touched his free hand to the arms wound around him as though to confirm their presence. A new energy sparked behind the blue eyes glimmering with moisture. He watched as beads of water fell from his eyes and traced a new path along his face, the wet trails shimmering. Suddenly more followed.

Behind him Harry held on. His forehead rested just at the base of Tom's neck. The silence was pushed away by a sob. He felt the body in his arms begin to shake as he finally released his fears and sorrow. He felt tears prick his own eyes and eventually fall to follow the path of his nose. He knew that Tom would not have done this. This release of emotion, that Harry would admit to have indulged in once or twice since being lost in the delta quadrant, was something he knew that Tom would never have considered. Feeling sorry for himself was something that Tom just didn't accept. He'd analyse his feelings just enough to push them away. Not this time. Harry didn't want Tom to analyse them, just accept them. You can't change how you feel and sometimes the cause is beyond you or your abilities, and that's when you just need to accept. Another sob cracked the brittle silence and Tom's grip on his arm tightened. 'I'll not leave you, Tom' Harry thought. 'Not when you need me to be strong for you, the same way you've been for me.'

The next day passed much like the day before. Duties were done. Friends gathered to gossip and enjoy each other's company, conflicts were started and resolved and the small society of Voyager sped homewards slowly covering the almost insurmountable distance. Tom seemed to be adjusting better but still held onto the hope that once Osa came he'd be leaving. It would hurt to leave Harry, and B'Elanna, and Neelix, Kes, Sam, Naomi, Megan, Jenny, Sue, Ken, Tabor, Chell, Gerron, Greg, Miranda, and the other friends who had visited him. Friends he'd never known he had. Still it would be easier this way. He'd found home on Voyager before but now he need to find a new one. He couldn't seem to fit here anymore and he was too tired to try.

He often felt Harry's eyes on him when they were together. Was he worrying about his mental health? Tom promised himself never to have a mental breakdown like that ever again at least not with somebody watching. Still he was grateful to Harry for being there and not holding it against him later. He was reluctant to tell Harry that he still planned on leaving. Can you blame him? He didn't want to hurt him. He didn't want Harry to feel that he was abandoning him –Tom going to his home when Harry couldn't go to his. It was unfair. Daily, the feeling to stay grew. His duty was to Voyager, at least until they got home. Then he could do as he pleased. He'd find his way back home again and then hopefully he'd be happy. All he wanted was to be granted his happy ending, even if the journey was difficult. As long as he could fly, no matter how bad the journey, he could make it.

The following day Tom had his appointment in Sickbay. He had nothing better to do and so in the morning he decided to get it over with. The corridors were busier than he expected and then it occurred to him. Gamma shift was being relieved and Alpha shift was just starting. If he wanted to avoid people this wasn't the time to be walking around. He didn't have any reason to avoid the crew other than to keep them from staring but it was bound to happen sooner or later. As he walked the corridors he greeted and was greeted by various people. They all looked for a little longer than was necessary and on more than one occasion he heard people talking about him after they thought he was out of earshot but it was nothing bad, just about the visible changes. He smirked. They didn't know the half of it.

He tested his Alorem abilities, extending them as far as they would go, trying to determine if he was at full strength yet. He wasn't but he felt an answering resonance to his energy. It was familiar and very similar to his. Osa was close by. Maybe he should let the Captain and bridge know. He shrugged. It wouldn't matter either way. He went to Sickbay and the Doctor greeted him and asked him to lie down on his usual biobed. Tom did so and halfway through the check up he felt Osa's presence getting closer.

"Hi," Tom greeted after Osa had appeared. He smiled at Tom and greeted the Doctor who mumbled something about unexpected guests. Tom and Osa conversed in a language that the translator couldn't decipher. The Doctor noticed that Tom's mood seemed to brighten with Osa being around. He referred to Osa as 'Paka' which the Doc correctly assumed meant 'father' or something along those lines. A few minutes later Captain Janeway and Lt. Tuvok entered Sickbay knowing that one of the Alorem would be there. The Captain didn't mind Osa showing up unexpectedly. He didn't mean them any harm and one of her crewmembers was his 'son'.

"Captain," Osa greeted. "I just came to check up on the little one."

Tom sat up from the biobed with a sigh saying, "I'm not little."

Osa looked at him questioningly. "Really? You're barely 28 of your years old. Compared to me, you're an infant." Osa smile benevolently at his son. He'd never known this type of emotion before –this satisfaction and joy at having someone who is a piece of you, a part of you. Alorem are rarely given a chance to procreate in such a manner. There usually isn't a need to since they live for so long.

"Infant my ass," Tom snorted. "Am I done Doc?"

"Yes Mr. Paris. I've completed my scans. There is just one thing that gives me pause."

"What's that?" Janeway asked hoping that there wasn't something seriously wrong.

"Your cells," He said to Tom, "they don't seem to be aging at the normal rate. They've almost stopped completely."

Osa nodded. "We don't age very quickly. I'm over nine thousand of your years old and I've not yet reached middle age. The most senior of us is more than three hundred thousand years old though most choose not to remain for so long. Age and time do not play a large role in Alorem life or society. Time is not simply a current that carries us along. With proper understanding time becomes and ocean with tides, storms and currents that we only loosely follow."

They all looked at Tom, who just looked back at them. None of this was a surprise to him. He'd known already, somehow. "Immortal?" Tuvok questioned.

"Not quite but nearly, if you choose to be," Osa said and Tom nodded his understanding. "I don't know how the eons will affect your human form. I believe you'll never look much older than you are now." Tom just shrugged. "If he's not needed for anything, I'd like to talk to my son." Janeway nodded and the Doctor told them that Tom was free to go but he wanted to see him in another two days. Tom nodded. Osa put a hand on Tom's shoulder and quickly they both turned to energy and vanished. The officers looked at each other and went their separate ways without words.

"Do you still want to leave?" Osa asked as soon as they arrived in the observation deck. Tom stared out to the passing stars.

"I don't know."

Osa smiled knowingly. "There's a sadness in you that I can't explain."

"I tried to talk to him. I couldn't. He didn't want to listen."

Osa stepped closer to him. "Make him listen." There was silence for a long stretch. "I know of love, Thomas. I've had it and lost it more than once. You'll have the same experience. The first one is always the hardest."

"I can't imagine there being more than one," Tom said softly.

Osa looked out into the seemingly endless expanse of stars with Tom. "Life is too long to love only one person. Don't worry Thomas," From behind Osa put one hand on Tom's shoulder and reached the other one across his chest to cover his heart. "It won't always feel like this."

Tom bowed his head. "I hope not." There were several minutes of silence until Tom spoke. "What is it?" Tom asked sensing that there was something else on Osa's mind. Osa shook his head.

"Nothing yet but maybe something to help your crew make your journey shorter." Tom looked over his shoulder at his father silently asking for more information. Osa just smiled at him and placed at hand on top of his head. "Patience."

Days came and went and each day that passed was one in which Tom became stronger and more like his old self. Sure he was a little different, quieter, but still Tom. It was a relief to everyone who knew him. Things were getting back to normal. Life was falling back into place. Tom was experimenting and learning about his new abilities with the Doctors supervision. He was taking a more active interest in the changes to himself and with this new curiosity he was better able to accept the changes. Tom's powers had been returned to him since Osa's visit. Deeming it safe that Tom would not flee from Voyager the first chance he came across as he had tried to do when they'd first returned, Osa had restored his son's power.

For Tom it was a learning experience. His Alorem instincts were almost constantly warring with his conscious thoughts. When there was danger and uncertainty he felt the urge to change to his less vulnerable Alorem form. During times of anxiety he could feel the energy change taking place on instinct and try as he might he could not yet control all of it. People would stare when his aura was visible. They were shocked when his eyes glowed pale blue and currents of electricity seemed to pass through his hair making it glow and sway in unseen and unfelt currents. Sometimes Tom felt the need to just be. Let the instincts take over and just exist as he was meant to. Times like now.

The engineering crew was performing an overhaul of the warp assembly and for the time being the warp reactor was running at a level so low it barely had enough energy to keep the reaction stable. It had a tendency to either escalate until a more stable reaction rate was reached, or taper off until the core shut down completely. Since they needed the energy to run the maintenance it was required that a team monitor the reactor at all times to maintain the low level of activity. Usually this was a daunting process that required the full attention of whoever was assigned to it but not today. The usual power fluctuations did not occur and the bridge noticed the difference. There was usually the tell-tale dimming of the lights every so often as the warp reaction dipped too low or some sort of flicker on the Ops sensor but today there was nothing.

"Bridge to Engineering, have you started the maintenance yet?" Kathryn asked from her command chair.

"We began twenty minutes ago Captain. I know. There's no instability. I can't explain it yet. We're looking into it."

The Captain nodded, though B'Elanna couldn't see it. "Good. Keep us informed. Bridge out."

Back in engineering B'Elanna ordered her crew to keep looking for the cause of the core stability. She didn't want to look a gift horse in the mouth but she was worried that this may indicate a larger problem. It was a few minutes later that one of her subordinates informed her that they'd found an unknown energy signature that seemed to resonate with the warp cores own frequency. The resonance served to stabilize the reaction. Now they just had to find the source of the energy. B'Elanna left it up to her officers something that she was more used to than at the beginning of the trip. They were all competent engineers. She trusted them to do their jobs, and do them well. In the meantime, she would monitor the progress of the maintenance from the upper deck. When she arrived she noticed a faint light coming from a dark and usually deserted area near the warp core. B'Elanna pulled out her tricorder and slowly crept towards it.

The readings didn't make a lot of sense to her. They indicated that there was a human there, but also large amounts of contained energy and other matter. The energy was slightly similar to the warp cores and B'Elanna knew she had found that source of the stability. Now she just had to identify it.

Rounding a pillar it finally came into view. A being glowing with a blue-white aura and appearing to be composed of both energy and matter sat near the edge of the platform facing the warp core. It continued to stare at the warp-core as though in a trance and it wasn't until B'Elanna was only a few feet a way that it turned. He'd known that she was coming. In this state he was well aware of everyone on the ship and all the energy that flowed around him through hidden conduits and wires. He forced himself to become solid again and looked at B'Elanna.

"Hey," he said softly. The lights dimmed briefly and B'Elanna glanced down to the lower level and saw that there was more activity at the stations that monitored the core, the way there usually was when they did this maintenance.

"Hi. What are you doing up here?" She asked.

"Nothing. Just looking," he replied and looked at the warpcore.

B'Elanna sat next to him and followed his gaze. "What do see?" She knew he could see more than the visible EM spectrum that most humanoids were bound to.

"The warp-core glows. Energy flows from it like steam. When I touch it…it's both warm and cold," he said as he reached out his hand. "It's nice." His eyes, which had been glowing blue, faded into the normal features. "I'm sorry if I bothered your crew."

She shook her head. "Are you kidding? You've been making our job easier." She smiled at him. "You're welcome to stay as long as you'd like." She didn't bother to explain how he was helping. She didn't think that he'd care right now (she was right) and since nobody would be up here anyway there was no reason that he had to leave.

"Thanks," He said with a weak but genuine smile. He turned back to the warp core and B'Elanna stood to return to her duties. She watched as he changed partially into energy. His clothes went first, glowing shades of blue and white as they began to float, not longer bound by the artificial gravity of the ship. His skin glowed and his hair began to flow, the white streaks shining light blue and the gold glowing a yellowish white. His eyes change until they shone pale blue. Soon the whole of his body glowed and shimmered in the same manner until he was surrounded by a halo of light as the energies ebbed and flowed in and around, and only a shadow of his form could be seen within it all,.

B'Elanna went back to work giving strict orders that the upper deck was off limits unless there was an emergency. The crew heeded her command but they were curious. No one dared to defy the Lieutenant in fear of her wrath but even from the best angle on the lower deck all they could see was a faint glow coming from one of the far corners.

End Part 4

Sagga Bott


	5. Chapter 5

Betwixt and Between

Part 5

It had been a week since Tom's return and reluctantly he returned to duty. He was still intent on leaving Voyager but not until Osa returned with more details of the plan that would help Voyager. If the plan was feasible, he'd see it through and then leave. These thoughts were kept to himself but there was a noticeable air about Tom that he was somewhat detached for the rest of the crew. He didn't visit Sandrine's or the Resort. The holodecks used to be one of his favourite hangouts but since his return he'd only been to them once and that was just for a flight simulation to ensure that he was capable of flying Voyager. They had no way of knowing that the holodecks presented a unique and somewhat uncomfortable atmosphere for Tom. The hidden energy-mass conversions that occurred around him were…distracting.

One evening when Tom was walking through the corridor he had an encounter with a friend. Crewman Garrett Jones worked in engineering and he and Tom had gone to the gym and holodecks together on many prior occasions. "Hey Tom, how have you been?"

Tom glanced around feeling somewhat nervous for whatever reason. "I've been okay," he replied vaguely. While they were friends, there was something about Garrett that made him slightly uneasy and he couldn't figure out what it was. He was tall, dark and handsome, with brown eyes and brown-black hair. Garrett was about Tom's height however his build was a little thicker. Despite that he didn't feel particularly intimidated by him, rather it was something else-something that he couldn't quite put his finger on.

Garrett smiled at him. "It's good to see you up and about. We were all worried about you." Tom mumbled some sort of response, probably a thank you. Garrett's eyebrows drew together at frown of consternation. Tom seemed more than a little subdued but Garrett hoped to change that. He missed hanging out with the troublemaking, loudmouthed lieutenant. "Are you busy this evening?" Garrett asked but didn't allow Tom enough time to respond. "A couple of us are going to Sandrine's tonight. Do you want to come? The place just isn't the same without you." Tom stared at him for a moment seemingly unable to fathom what he was asking.

"You want me to join you?" Tom asked to be sure. At Garrett's nod he looked down to the carpeted floor. It had been a long time since he'd gone out. He looked up into dark eyes that stared waiting for a positive response. When Tom nodded a pleasant smile broke out across Garrett's face.

"I'll come by your quarters this evening. Is 2100 hours okay?"

"That's fine… but you don't have to pick me up."

Garrett shook his head, "but I'd like to." The openly hopeful look On Garrett's face was Tom's undoing. Reluctantly he nodded his consent and a bright smile graced the other man's face. "Perfect. Then I'll see you tonight." He gave Tom a friendly pat on the shoulder and walked away. Tom stood there for a few moments, stunned. It wasn't something unusual. He'd been asked to join friends on nights out before but that had all been before the…incident. Somehow he'd thought that his new…characteristics would keep people at a distance. He gave a small huff. He'd been managing to do that quite well on his own. His behaviour had even Osa worrying. He just wasn't the same person anymore and he didn't know if he could ever be that person again. He didn't know if he wanted to be.

That evening found Harry Kim in Tom's quarters, watching as Tom prepared for his night out. When Harry asked what all that prepping was for Tom simply answered that after moping around for week he wanted to make sure he was presentable. Harry's only response to that was a roll of his eyes. He was glad to see that Tom was venturing out. He knew that sooner or later Tom would go out. His friend was a social person by nature and this solitude must have been difficult for him even though it gave him time to find an emotional balance.

Tom donned a pair of black form fitting slacks and a grey-silvery sleeveless shirt that he'd worn on previous nights out. Harry noticed that the clothes seemed a little looser. He'd noticed lately that all of Tom's wardrobe seemed to be just a size to big. At first Harry thought that it was just his eyes playing tricks on him but the consistency of the observation led Harry to believe that this was just another part of the new Tom. He'd listen to Tom complain about how short he was. Harry had just stared at him as Tom explained that according to the Doctor Tom was half a centimeter shorter. Five millimeters, that was it and suddenly Tom thought that he was vertically challenged. At six feet two inches (less 5mm, you can do the conversion) he was hardly short. It was just one more change that Tom didn't want to discuss and would have preferred to be oblivious to.

Harry removed himself from his thought at watched Tom carefully as he stared at himself in the full-length mirror on the closet door. From his position Harry couldn't see what Tom stared so intently at. He watched Tom's right hand slowly rose to the upper part of his left arm and traced a faint mark down the side. The shirt did nothing to cover the scar and though the Doc had done what he could, he couldn't remove everything. He saw Tom reach to take out a different shirt but stopped short, his arm extended. He looked back at the mirror for a moment before dismissing whatever his thoughts were and moving to the washroom to comb his hair. From his seat, Harry smiled.

A few minutes later there was a chime at the door. When given permission the person on the other side entered. Jones walked in and greeted Kim who gave him a wave. "Hey Garrett," Tom greeted.

"You ready to go?" he asked and ran an appreciative eye over Tom, who was too busy looking for his commbadge to notice, but Harry did and raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah…here it is!" Tom exclaimed retrieving the item and attached it to his shirt. Garrett nodded. "You coming to Sandrine's tonight, Har?" Tom asked.

"Oh I wouldn't miss this for the world," Harry said with a smirk that made Tom curious. He'd seen that look in the mirror but on Harry it was somewhat disturbing. However before he had a chance to interrogate him, Garrett was steering Tom out the door. Harry left for his own quarters and shook his head as he reviewed his latest discovery. Garrett Jones, huh? Harry smirked. He hoped Commander Chakotay would be there tonight.

They entered the holodeck and the light tickle of the matter conversion touched at Tom's senses but he ignored it. He followed Garrett to a small group of men and women who greeted both of them with smiles. Tom began to relax once they somewhat obvious stares ended and they others became accustomed to his new 'look'. As he settled into his chair to enjoy the company he didn't notice a pair of dark eyes watching him from across the bar.

A small group of officers sat in a booth enjoying their night off. It was a rarity that they could all meet up and just relax, with busy schedules and unpredictable events. Tonight though, it was all about them. No duties, no violent aliens, no malfunctioning systems, just good friends and good drinks. The conversation at the table was kept low and easy. The mood was light and jovial but one of them was too preoccupied to notice.

His attention lay on the man across the bar who was enjoying an evening out with a lesser seen group of friends. Tom seemed happy. Laughing easily and telling tales of his many dubious adventures that kept his audience in rapt attention. The shadows behind his eyes seemed to have lifted making Tom seem more like the spirited man that so many people had been missing lately. Chakotay was glad to see that Tom was feeling better especially after his harsh words to him. There was only one thing that gave him pause. No, it didn't give him pause. It made his blood simmer, it wasn't quite boiling just yet. At sometime during the evening Crewman Jones had rested his arm on the back of Tom's chair and there it had remained since Tom had not complained about it. Chakotay had noticed the entrance of Tom with Jones earlier in the evening but had written it off as just some friends on a night out. Now he wondered if there was more too it than he had initially suspected.

Continuing his observations Chakotay watched as Jones asked Tom something but due to the noise in the bar Tom hadn't heard, prompting Jones to move closer and closer and closer until his lips nearly brushed Tom's ear and his hand was at the back of his neck. This time Tom heard the question and nodded his head in affirmation. Jones smiled and headed towards that bar while Tom jumped back into the conversation with an easy smile on his face. In that moment Chakotay admitted two things to himself (things that on some level he already knew). 1) Tom Paris was beautiful when he smiled and 2) he wanted Tom to smile like that at him not at Garrett Jones. Making a hasty decision Chakotay was about to get up when a body blocked his view of Tom. Before he could even look up the person spoke.

"Chakotay, can I speak with you?" Kim asked. Chakotay stared at him for a moment before nodding. He couldn't recall a time when Harry had ever called him by his name. He supposed this meant it would be a personal conversation.

In a less crowded corner of the bar Harry sat at one of the unoccupied high tables, Chakotay taking the stool across from him. Chakotay watched him carefully wondering what Harry wanted to talk about and noticed the almost perfectly hidden nervous habits. The rhythmic tapping of his fingers against the wood surface, the slight bouncing of his right leg and the eyes that couldn't seem to settle on one thing for more than a second, all indicated Harry's anxiety.

"What is it, Harry?" Chakotay asked after tiring of waiting.

Dark eyes shot to his and gave him a sharp glare. "How do you feel about Tom?" His voice was even and calm but his eyes were intense.

Unsure where this was going Chakotay decided not to answer. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"It has to do with my best friend and a man who I don't think deserves him."

There was no question of whom Harry was referring to and whether he knew about the conversation (or rather argument) that had occurred in Chakotay's office or not, the comment hit too close to home. Chakotay went on the defensive. "I haven't done anything to him."

"My advice to you is stay away from him-"

"Or what?"

Harry stared at him. "Or you'll probably just hurt him again. I won't let you do that. He deserves better than that, and better than you." Harry got up from the stool. He left, dissolving into the crowd of people in the bar. Chakotay stared after him. He knew people like Kim. They weren't confrontational-preferring to be passive rather than aggressive. That he'd come and reprimand his superior officer, about a matter that was almost none of his business, indicated that this was more important to Harry than the usual ins and outs of his relationship with Tom.

Chakotay sat at the table for several minutes thinking over his confrontation with Kim. He cast frequent glances to Tom's table. He was confused. He'd been dealing with everything that happened with the Alorem, Tom's 'death' and revival, and the emotions that were buried within him. When Tom had first returned Chakotay had been more than willing to go back to the previous state of interaction he had with Paris. Unexpectedly, he found the deeper emotions he'd been hiding from following him, refusing to be ignored. It bothered him immensely that Tom Paris was able to stir such intense emotions and just plain intensity from him. He felt like his body was betraying him. When he lashed out at Tom in his office it was a response to this perceived betrayal. At the time it seemed like it was Tom's fault that he felt this way and the vulnerable man was an easy target. He'd lashed out at Tom because he was angry at himself for falling for someone who he perceived to be unworthy of his affection because he wouldn't appreciate it. Someone he felt was below him.

Chakotay winced at his analysis. Below him? Is that what he thought of Tom? Sure he hadn't liked the man but he'd developed a respect for him. Or maybe it was more of a tolerance. The idea that he was falling for Paris of all people had violently upset his sensibilities. He'd felt himself coming to that conclusion a while ago. That was when he started snapping at Paris. Trying to find fault in him and in what he did, as though looking for a reason to hold on to his hatred. He lowered his head feeling ashamed. It was no wonder Kim had come over and nearly threatened him. He may have seen what Chakotay had just discovered. Until he let go of his grudge and dislike of Paris he had no chance of getting along with him.

When he looked up again he noticed that the crowd was a little thinner and the object of his musings was nowhere to be found and neither was his 'date'. Feeling fatigued Chakotay listlessly raised himself from the stool and left the bar. He wandered around the corridors for a while, not thinking, just feeling. Eventually his feet carried him to his deck which was also Tom's deck. He'd taken a turbolift that left him practically on the other side of where his quarters were located and he had no choice but to walk the distance. The most direct route took him past the quarters of Lieutenant Paris and as he approached, Chakotay heard some voices. He slowed his pace and crept towards them. He recognized the voice of Paris and guessed that the other man must be Jones.

"You'd think he would have gotten the idea but I practically had to spell it out for him," Tom said. His eyes sparkled with amusement as he recalled one of his academy day escapades. "So weeks later we made it into bed and I find out he had more experience than I did, which at the time wasn't a whole lot, but the guy was so dense I wouldn't have been surprised if he didn't realized he even had a dick." Garrett laughed loudly and Tom joined him.

Eventually they calmed and Garrett asked, "So what happened between the two of you?"

Tom shrugged still smiling. "You know: this and that. He really liked to experiment and I was just too vanilla for him."

Garrett stared at him critically. "You? Vanilla?"

Tom laughed. "At the time that's what I thought. But compared to the adventures he got himself into after us, I was very vanilla." He noticed the sceptical look on the man leaning on the wall across from him. "I'm not kidding. When we get back to the Alpha Quadrant I'll introduce you to him and he can tell you himself."

"That's okay. I believe you."

"No you don't."

Garret just smiled in response and Tom shook his head but the smile was unmistakable. Garrett stared at him and eventually Tom noticed the scrutiny and the strange, anxious feeling that Garrett brought out in him was back. Tom looked anywhere but at him but Garrett's gaze never wavered. When he looked back, Tom was startled to find that Garrett was right in front of him. Tom shifted back but with his back already against the wall, there was nowhere for him to go. Light brown eyes caught blue.

"It's different, huh?" Garrett whispered, his voice like a caress against Tom's cheek.

"What is?" Tom managed to respond after a long pause.

Garrett rested his forearm against the wall, next to Tom's head, moving closer. "Being chased, instead of doing the chasing." Garrett noticed the slight hitch in Tom's breathing and smiled a predatory smile. "You don't let it happen often. You're always the one in control, giving chase. When the tides turn though…" he brought his other hand to rest at Tom's side and felt a tremor at his touch. "…it's different. Exciting. Scary?" There was a light flush staining Tom's cheeks and Garrett absently wondered if anyone else had ever seen Tom blush. It was very nice.

Tom turned his face away and sighed tiredly. "Garrett, don't."

"Why not?" The deep voice questioned softly and swiftly as he moved incrementally closer.

"I can't. There's someone else," he whispered and was shocked at Garrett's response.

"I know." Wide blue eyes regarded him, the consternation evident. Garret smiled enjoying being one step ahead of the pilot. It didn't happen often but he savoured it when it did. "I thought that by now he'd have noticed, but if he's too stupid to accept what you offer then it's his loss." He was one of the few but Garret had noticed the interplay between Tom and Chakotay. It was pretty one-sided but it wasn't hard to tell that there was more to Tom's guarding Chakotay (and Yuri) than just duty.

"He's not stupid," Tom defended, sounding as though he'd said that before.

"Well what else can I call it?" he paused and read the indecision in Tom's eyes –such expressive eyes. "I know that you're in love with him but I just had to do this. Even if it's just once…"

Garrett closed the distance between them and touched his lips to Tom's gently. Tom's eye's closed as he delighted in the sensation. Garrett's grip at his side slid around to Tom's back and pulled the other man flush against him. His tongue brushed against Tom's lips seeking entrance. The lips parted and Garret explored. Tasting him, feeling dizzy with pleasure, his tongue duelled with Tom's. The hand that Tom had put on Garrett's chest to push him away now clutched at the fabric of his shirt to keep him close. Eventually, they broke apart, heart rates up face flushed and breathing heavy. Garrett smiled a little sadly at him. He touched the lips he had just kissed with the tips of his fingers, not relinquishing his hold of the other man. Tom stared at him. His pupils were dilated and his face was rosy.

Garrett sighed and looked away briefly. "What I'm about to say goes against everything I've ever done. Don't give up." He whispered the words close to Tom's ear. "You have a chance for something really great. I would be the biggest kind of jerk if I tried to take that away from you, so this is as far as we go." Tom whispered his name in a sad entreaty. He rested his cheek against Tom and felt the heat coming off the man. "I know he doesn't deserve it but give the Commander another chance." He held Tom's face in his hands and studied the features knowing that he'd never be this intimate with this man ever again. He kissed him reverently once again and pulled away with a silent sigh. Tom's eyes were still closed. A caress across his face and the eyes fluttered open. Garrett gave him a dazzling smile. There was a wealth of room between them compared to a moment ago. "If you ever want to have a good time, no strings attached, give me a holler, okay?" Garret said with a sultry leer. Tom could only nod numbly. Garrett bid him goodnight and walked away. Tom watched him go until he could no longer be seen. Slowly he brought a hand to his lips feeling the tingle that's Garrett's kiss had left there.

Suddenly he realized that he was in the corridor and anyone could have come by. He glanced up and down the corridor but saw no one. Slowly Tom turned to enter his quarters. Garrett's offer ran through his head. It had been so long since he'd been with anyone and Chakotay was definitely not interested in him, so what was stopping him from going after Garrett? He had promised to give Chakotay another try. The problem was Tom wasn't sure whether it was worth the effort anymore. He was tired of being hurt and he hadn't even told Chakotay how he felt. The way he saw it, things could only get worse between them. And here was Garrett, offering something monumentally better. Tom had however, recognized the finality of Garrett's gestures. He didn't expect Tom to ever come to him and Tom suspected that even if he did Garrett would more than likely talk him out of it somehow. The man was sharp, too sharp.

It wasn't fair. He'd stumbled across something that could very good only to find that there wasn't really an offer, not even a chance and so he was back a square one but with the added burden of knowing that if he'd been more observant, more careful about who he loved he could have had something special with someone else. At that moment he felt hate. He knew it was irrational, that fault and blame could not be placed on anyone one thing or person, but that hate was directed at Chakotay.

The familiar sting of tears pricked his eyes and quickly Tom entered the privacy of his quarters but not before giving the bulkhead and solid strike.

Chakotay walked towards the doors that had just closed. He stood before them silently. He hadn't heard everything but he'd still seen and heard a lot. He wasn't sure if he still had a chance with Paris. He wasn't sure if he even wanted to have a chance with Paris. There was so much to sort out but Chakotay felt Tom's patience for the situation and patience for him wearing thin. He raised his hand until it was just before the call button. If he pressed it what would he say? Was he too late? The expression of pain and anger on Tom's face as he entered his private domain had pulled at Chakotay, invoking a desperation and fear in him that could push him to do something prematurely.

If Garrett was right and Tom loved him, Chakotay knew that he only had a limited amount of time. Tom had been bombarded with emotions from every part of the spectrum and under such stress something had to give. Was a one-sided love strong enough to maintain through these trials? He couldn't even be sure it was love. Tom hadn't said anything, and the only indication of an attraction was the way Tom had been during the 'incident' with Yuri. What if this was just a phase? Chakotay wasn't sure he wanted to risk it.

End Part 5

Sagga Bott…


	6. Chapter 6

A/N: My apologies for the delay.

Betwixt and Between

Part 6

The beings gathered around to discus the proposition that had never been contemplated. To allow outsiders into their home, their realm, it was unheard of. Absolutely preposterous, they said. To allow them to infiltrate their space would be an unacceptable risk. The many on the council were adamant that no one could enter.

"They pose no threat to us," Osa spoke. "They only want to go home. They helped us protect our Yuri. We should help them get home."

"That's not our duty,"

Another member of the council spoke up. "It was not their duty to help us." There was silence while the being of energy contemplated.

"Your son, what of him?" one member of the council asked.

"He is well, but somewhat confused," Osa said glancing down briefly as he thought of the turmoil his son held.

"He can not stay with them indefinitely."

"I know. I don't believe he will. He will barely age while his friends pass him by. It would be too lonely. But I do believe he would like to live with is mate, however long he lives."

There were nods of agreement. First loves were always the hardest. They turned back to the topic which had been the purposed of this meeting. "I am still wary of this plan, Osa, but I suppose it would only be fair to help them cross their distance since they have given us so much more." Osa nodded. He had hoped that the council would see all that they had gained thanks to the Voyager crew. Though the crew did not know it, Tom and Yuri represented important parts of their society. Both of them are new life being brought to their race, both of them very fragile when compared to the mature ones. Most Alorem never had the chance to procreate in such a direct manner. Few of them are fortunate enough to create compatible new life. Their environment is harsh for a young one and many die before they have a chance to live, vanishing into background noise just as they are conceived. For this reason, the young ones who make it are watched over by the whole society. Though there are hundreds of thousands of them, with varying degrees of energies and abilities, you'd be hard pressed to find any two beings in their society who were not somehow connected.

"Draft a proposal. We will review it. If we agree than you will have our permission to contact Voyager and proceed with further planning. However we maintain final judgement as to whether it is an acceptable risk to us and them." Osa nodded and bowed before leaving their presence.

There was silence around the table. Several pairs of eyes were riveted on the screen in the Conference room. Each person calculating the implications if such a plan were to come to fruition. They were careful to keep their excitement in check after coming across too many plans to get them home which failed. Captain Janeway stood up and walked to the screen to get a closer look. It would be so simple.

Alorem and normal space intersected in many areas but the distances between the intersections varied depending on which space you were in. In some places a journey of a thousand light-years in normal space was only three in Alorem space. The pockets where the two spaces intersected were more numerous in the delta and gamma quadrants and appeared to extend beyond the Milky Way Galaxy. There were some in The Alpha and Beta Quadrants but they were sparser. The closest they could get to sector 001 would be about one hundred light-years but that would put them deep into Cardassian territory. The closest safe destination was about one and a half thousand light-years but it left them with a negotiable path to Federation space.

In the diagram a preliminary path was displayed showing the overlap of the spaces and Voyager's path leapfrogging from each area of overlap. Voyager would not be able to stay in Alorem space indefinitely. They'd have to pick up dilithium, deuterium, any other materials needed to maintain the ship and food stuffs. There were also a whole host of engineering problems that needed to be solved. Alorem space was different from normal space and the differences were enough to cause great damage to Voyager and her crew. However, if they were successful they'd be only a year and a half away from home in just over nine months at warp 6.5.

Janeway turned to her crew with a restrained but hopeful smile. "Let's get to work, shall we?"

"Greg, what would you say if I started dating Tom Paris?"

"I'd say that I knew there had to be more between you two to cause some so many sparks." Chakotay glared at him. "It's the truth. We've been out here for a long time and you and Paris seem to have this 'attack and parry' dance going on between the two of you. I used to wonder if I'd figure out the steps before we got home. Seems I'll have to speed up my analysis if this plan to get home works." Greg took a sip of his drink, pondering while his companion remained silent also pondering. "But, yeah. Sexaul tension would explain a hell of a lot," he said, nodding a few times.

"It's not sexual tension. Just…"

"Sexual tension," Greg finished. He looked around the bar, spotting the subject of their conversation talking to Garrett Jones across the way

"No, it's more than that." Chakotay had done a lot of thinking in the past several hours and he was beginning to see things more clearly. Greg glanced at him.

He sighed. "Look I'll be the first to admit that Paris was an ass when we first met him. Maybe he would have been less of one if we hadn't been jerks to him in the first place, but he's changed. Some recently," he said in reference to this incident with the Alorem, "but mostly just slowly over the years. I think he might do you some good. Or at least get you to loosen up a bit."

"Maybe…" Chakotay said distractedly. He wondered if it was too late. He looked up in time to see Tom leave the establishment and after a moments hesitation he followed. From the bar Greg wished him good luck and tossed back the remainder of his drink. He felt someone take the recently vacated stool next to him. He looked over and saw Jones.

"Scotch, straight," the man ordered of the bartender.

"Something got you down?" Greg asked lightly. Not needing a response but open to listen if the man did.

"Just thinking that if I'd met him first it would be different." He downed his drink quickly, enjoying the burning in his throat. He ordered another. "I nearly changed my mind." The last statement was made very quietly but Greg wondered at its meaning.

"Maybe you still have a chance."

Garrett shook his head and picked up his refilled drink. "He just better make him happy."

Tom had left Sandrine's early but didn't want to head to his quarters just yet. Deciding to just wander around for a while he let his mind drift. It didn't drift very far before he heard someone calling his name from behind him. He thought he recognized the voice but that wasn't possible. He hadn't spoken to that particular person for what seemed like ages.

"Tom!"

"Yes?" Tom looked back at Chakotay wondering what he'd done now.

The first officer caught up with him. "I was hoping I could speak with you." There was no response as Tom waited for him to start talking. "Privately," he clarified and Tom's cool azure gaze met his briefly. Chakotay saw and gamut of emotions but could only label a few –some where to his favour but some where not.

Tom gestured for Chakotay to lead the way acting as though this were nothing more than a meeting between two officers about ship's business. Chakotay lead them to a small observation deck. The lights were low and the stars were still as though time had frozen for this very confrontation.

Tom stood at the large windows looking at the stars beyond while Chakotay stood a little behind him and stared at a view he thought was far more beautiful.

"I'm sorry." Tom didn't respond. "What I said to you in my office was uncalled for."

"But it was the truth."

"No!" Chakotay was quick to interrupt. "I was unsettled and confused and I took it out on you. I'm sorry for hurting you."

Tom finally turned to him but their eyes only briefly met. "Isn't that what you wanted? Finally giving Paris what he deserved?" His voice was deceptively calm.

Chakotay looked down. He should have expected that there history would have worked against him but somehow he imagined that this would be a lot easier. "You didn't deserve what I said, Tom. I lashed out at the closest person. I'm sorry that it was you."

'I'll bet you are,' Tom though sarcastically. "You're forgiven." He turned to leave but as he passed him Chakotay caught him by the arm.

"Wait."

"Now what?"

"I need to ask you…" he wasn't sure how to word it, "Is it too late for me, for us?"

"What!" Chakotay was about to repeat himself but Tom spoke again. "Nevermind. I heard you." He wrenched his arm loose from the other man's grip. Silently he looked around the room just as an excuse not to look at Chakotay. "Why the sudden change of heart? Not long ago you couldn't stand the sight of me."

Chakotay was going to correct him and say that looking at him was never a problem, however the look in Tom's eyes warned him that he wouldn't appreciate any jokes. "I just started being honest with myself." Tom rolled his eyes. He'd never been one for all that self-improvement/self-analysis jazz. "I discovered that not everything I believed was true." He explained further. Tom just stood there, waiting. How was he going to make him understand? "Look, Tom, we have a long and ugly history but maybe we can get past it. All I'm asking for is a chance."

"What makes you think you deserve one?" Tom crossed his arms and leaned against a couch. "I've had to put up with a lot," Tom didn't know where this was coming from, "maybe the spell has worn off." He really shouldn't be playing hard to get –Chakotay may have another change of heart –but it was too late to stop himself now.

The reference to one of his greatest worries brought Chakotay up short. He began to second guess himself but decided to see this through, hoping he was wrong. "There is no spell. No magic, no strange Alorem sense of duty…it's just you and me, Tom."

"I don't trust you."

"Then were on the same page." Tom narrowed his eyes. They stared at each other for a few moments before Tom shook his head and at some thought and went for the door. "You never answered my question." Tom looked over his shoulder. "Is it too late for us?"

There was a long pause in which Chakotay didn't breathe. Eventually Tom answered. "No." And then he left.

Tom returned to his quarters and tried not to think about what he'd just done. He changed out of his uniform and slipped into bed in his briefs. "Lights out," he called and the room was plunged into darkness and near silence. The hum of the warp engines could be heard throughout the ship and his quarters were not different. The soft sound soothed his nerves and relaxed him as it always did. His mind wandered and as had been the pattern of the last many nights it wandered to thoughts of Chakotay. He turned onto his stomach and buried his face in a pillow. What had he been thinking? Even now he couldn't answer that. So he was still hung up on Chakotay, that was a given but why the hard to get attitude? Wasn't he being offered everything that he wanted?

He sighed and turned over. He stared at the ceiling, which in the darkness, he couldn't see. He still felt a little angry at Chakotay, not for any one thing but for various little things: the way he treated Tom after his return, the way those dark eyes could freeze him on the spot, the fact that Tom still wanted those eyes on him. His left hand idly traced a pattern on the cool white sheets while Tom remembered those captivating eyes –eyes that had been looking directly at him that night and held no contempt, no hate. He could picture Chakotay's face. The sensual lips moving, creating words he had longed to hear. Of its own volition his hand reached out to touch the image that had been created in his mind. Of course there was nothing before him, only darkness.

Sighing he turned to his side and hugged the extra pillow to his chest. "I've got it bad," Tom whispered to himself. A soft smile crept onto his face as he considered that maybe whatever he had was catching. Tomorrow, he vowed, I'll talk to him. No jokes, no attitude, just me.

The night gave way to the day but with no sun to greet them at dawn they had to take the computers word for it. It was a busy start to what would be a busy day, even though Voyager was at all-stop for the time being. They were preparing to go into Alorem space. The first jump would not occur for almost two weeks but that time was needed to repair even the most minor damage that had been overlooked or ignored. Janeway wanted Voyager at peak performance for the journey. A few probes were also being launched in to Alorem space. They need to know what to expect on both sides. How would Voyager stand up to the different stress fields, how would Alorem space react to have a large mass suddenly within it? They also needed to stock up on resources. Every shuttle was scheduled for short away missions to collect the needed supplies and this morning Tom would be one of the first to go.

He only had time for a quick breakfast but when he saw Chakotay sitting at a table with only the company of a data padd he only hesitated briefly before joining him. "Is this seat taken?" It took a moment for the surprise to leave the older man's face.

"Uh, no. Have a seat." There was a strained silence and Tom pushed his food around on his plate. "So…you have a mission today?" Chakotay asked.

"You're the one who made the roster," he smiled at him glad to know that the awkwardness was being felt on both sides. Before Chakotay could say anything Captain Janeway's voice rang out over the comm system asking for Chakotay.

"Gotta go," he said with a shrug. "Are you busy this evening?" he asked before he stood. Tom shook his head. "Dinner? My quarters? Eighteen hundred?" Tom was frozen for a second before he managed to nod. Chakotay smiled and before Tom could get his mouth to start working the man was gone. The shock had not completely worn off when Ensign Kim sat down in the recently vacated seat.

"Hey. Are you okay? You look kinda….I don't know, weird."

Tom seemed to notice him for the first time. "I've got a dinner date..."

"You sound surprised…"

"With Chakotay," he continued hardly hearing what Harry had said.

"I figured as much." Harry eyed Tom critically. He looked alright except for the spacey expression. "Don't you have a mission today?" That startled Tom out of his reverie. He cursed and downed his coffee in a few large gulps.

"Gotta go, Har. See ya!" He dashed for the door and the shuttle bay leaving a smiling Harry Kim in the mess hall. Finally things were heading in the right direction.

Tom and Chakotay never got the chance to have dinner that night. Both their duties kept them busy far longer than anticipated and the pattern would continue until the time of the first jump. So for the next two weeks they couldn't spend nearly as much time together as they desired. It eventually came down to when one was working and the other wasn't they'd simply sit together quietly, sometimes a head resting in a lap, sometimes shoulder to shoulder. Few words were exchanged but words had always just gotten in the way before. The casual closeness went a long way towards breaking the few remaining barriers between them. The fatigue left them with little energy for many words and even less for the fronts they both used to protect themselves. It wasn't long before they were sharing the same bed, though only for sleeping.

It was the night before the first jump Tom had visited Alorem space with Osa that day. He returned in the late evening and after giving his report to the Captain he headed for Chakotay's quarters. He gave no thought to what he was doing, simply following what had become his routine. He entered the code for Chakotay's quarters and greeted his CO with a smile. Chakotay was making the final review on a number of systems but appeared to be near completion. Tom lay down on the couch, the top of his head brushing Chakotay's thigh and his legs dangling over the arm. Due to his trip to Alorem space his extended senses were more active than usual. From Chakotay he felt a slight tingle –similar to but much duller than when they'd shared their first kiss not too many days ago…

They were sitting together on Tom's couch –Chakotay reviewing reports and Tom writing them –when Chakotay noticed the distant look in Tom's eyes. He was looking at the padd in his hand but obviously not seeing it. "Tom," Chakotay called softly. He was having trouble concentrating as well after three hours of nothing but administrative reports. He supposed Tom was having the same problem.

Tom didn't respond to Chakotay. He sat with one leg bent beneath him and his baby-blues remained focussed on some invisible point. Chakotay shifted closer somewhat amused. "Tom." He was a little louder this time but still no response. He thought about doing something like licking Tom's ear, surely that would get a response, but settled on moving closer and being just a little louder –still nothing. Chakotay would have been impressed if he weren't so confused. Chakotay looked him over critically at first, but as he took in the sharp jaw line the perfect nose, the long eyelashes, the smooth skin, he lost his objectivity. Ever so gently Chakotay touched the back of his fingers to Tom's cheek.

The touch startled Tom back to reality. That coupled with Chakotay's close proximity caused him to drop his padd and give a slight jump. He looked at Chakotay with wide eyes. They were both frozen for several seconds before Tom released a large breath, the tension leaving him. He reached for his jettisoned padd. "Jeez, Chakotay! Warn a guy, would yay!" Chakotay moved back minutely but didn't take his eyes off the flushed face. After a moment he leaned forward again. Tom saw him coming out of the corner of his eye and turned slightly to ask what he was doing. He never got around to it. When the soft lips touched his own all thought froze and a tingling sensation made its way down his back. As Chakotay was pulling away, Tom launched himself at him pinning him to the sofa and continuing the kiss. Chakotay's shock allowed Tom to slip his tongue past his lips, to plunder his mouth. Big, warm hands slid up Tom's side and soon found their way under his loose shirt.

It was like minute electric shocks wherever Chakotay touched. When he lightly trailed the tips of his fingers up the middle of Tom's back –a gentle caress from his lower lumbar to the top of the thoracic- Tom moaned into the kiss as the tingling increased causing the muscles of his back to tense. They would have continued on exploring each other's mouths and skin but the entrance to Tom's quarter's suddenly slid open for Ensign Kim. Chakotay and Tom were back to their respective seats in less than a second but Harry was no fool, he knew what he'd interrupted.

"Hey, Harry." Tom said, trying to disguise his breathlessness. "You want a drink?"

Harry tried unsuccessfully to stifle his smile. "Don't worry I'll get it," he said waving for Tom to stay seated. He got his drink and evaluated the couple on the couch. After a moment he commented, "I though only pregnant women glowed." Tom was suitably confused but Chakotay and Harry could see the slight luminance from Tom and the hair that shone and flowed. With his flushed cheeks and completely open expression Tom was a portrait of ethereal splendour.

"Well, I have somewhere else to be…" Harry said. He put his empty glass back in the replicator to be reclaimed and headed for the door.

"Uh…yeah…see you later, Har." Tom watched him go, still trying to understand his previous comment. He gave up and went back to the work that he'd abandoned. He didn't get far when he felt Chakotay's eyes on him. He glanced up. There eyes locked. Tom leaned over gave Chakotay another kiss, tender but short, and then went back to work.

So maybe it had been their first and second kiss but that's just details.

"Tom!" The blonde man startled and noticed his boyfriend looking down at him. "Are you okay?" Tom nodded. Chakotay tilted his head to the side. "Where do you go when you space out like that?"

"I don't go anywhere and I'm not spaced out," he said, slightly miffed. He'd been feeling increasingly anxious that last two weeks. Only his time with Chakotay put him at ease. However, it seemed that tonight Chakotay's presence would not be enough to settle him. He sat up and stretched while Chakotay collected his padd into an ordered stack. Tom leaned forwards resting his arms on his knees, his hands lightly clasped. He knew what it was. He'd ignored it for as long as possible but he'd always felt something similar in these instances, rare though they'd been.

"You okay?"

"Yeah, just wondering what it's going to be like…y'know…going home and all."

Chakotay scooted closer and rested a hand on his shoulder. "Captain Janeway won't let anything happen to us."

"Captain Janeway isn't God." Strangely annoyed and unsettled with the close proximity Tom stood and moved to the viewport. When Osa had first proposed the plan Tom had been excited. The crew could finally go home. They were on the verge of realizing their dream, yet it wasn't until the prospect was immediately at the horizon that Tom began to realise that he'd been lying to himself for three years. The Alpha Quadrant, the Federation, did not mean for Tom what it did for everyone else. There was no home to return to, no family to embrace, no hope to put his faith in. He had an eight by twelve, grey-walled coffin lying in wait for his return. "I can't go back," he whispered to himself.

He suddenly found himself turned around and facing the panicked face of his commanding officer. "Tom…" words failed him. He shook his head trying to think of something, anything to say.

"I can't go back." Chakotay's grip at his shoulder's tightened.

"Nothing will happen." Chakotay tried to convey with his eyes and his touch that which he could not portray in words. However, the windows to his soul betrayed his own worry. Tom wasn't the only one facing prison time in the Federation. Chakotay, as leader of the former Maquis crew, not only had himself but the rest of his crew to protect. Feeling guilty for piling more worry onto Chakotay, Tom decided to let it go. He pulled him in to a hug and for long moments they just held each other.

"You're right. We'll be okay." It was a lie but it made them feel better than the truth would have and on some level they both knew it.

That night Chakotay didn't sleep much. He spent the majority of his waking moments watching the man beside him. In silent agreement they decided to sleep together in Chakotay's bed. They did little more than kiss and cuddle and eventually Tom fell asleep. The thoughts churning in his mind kept Chakotay awake and fairly alert. He too was worried about returning to the Alpha Quadrant but Tom's dilemma was still unique to his. Chakotay had no choice but to return. Dorvan was his home. Tom on the other hand had little, if anything to return for. He had family in the AQ but none of whom, he believed, would want anything to do with him. And now he also had family in the Delta Quadrant -Alorem Space was apparently easier to gain access to in the Delta Quadrant. How was Tom supposed to choose? He was half human and fifty percent Alorem. Not quite one and not wholly the other. Betwixt and between –a fitting idiom.

Sighing he tightened the hold he had around Tom's waist. The other man mumbled softly for a second before finding some comfort in the embrace and returning to dreamland. Chakotay was determined not to loose him. The path to this point had been extremely turbulent, both emotionally and physically but they had found a balance since then. Chakotay had found his other half. Tom gives him flight and Chakotay gives Tom a perch to rest. He took a deep breath catching Tom's scent and relaxing him. Tom had protected him when it had been matters of exploration and the unknown. Chakotay would protect Tom especially now when it was matters of home and of the heart.

"We'll still have a year and a half to travel before we reach Federation space," Tom reported, "but for the most part our path has been explored and mapped by previous Starfleet and Romulan missions so there shouldn't be many surprises." He retook his seat at the conference table, his portion of the report concluded.

"A year a half –that should be enough time to get everything in order," commented Janeway. "There are some communications relays in that area of the Beta Quadrant. If we're lucky they're still operational and we'll be able to contact Starfleet during that time." She looked at the faces around the table already beginning to miss the time they shared together. There was still one last mission to complete and when the nine months were over…it would mark the end of there journey as a single crew. She knew that being so close to home would change the dynamics between the crewmembers. They would all be eager to hear about the conflict in the DMZ but they were cheering for opposing sides. Starfleet versus Maquis on Voyager would become friend versus friend. It could tear them apart down the seam most had forgotten still existed. Voyager would no longer be an isolated community. They'd again be subject to external issues, one of them being how to deal with nearly half of the crew being outlaws, one convicted felon, one former Borg and their single delta quadrant native. She'd already discussed it with Chakotay and she was committed to seeing all crewmembers being free but nothing could guarantee they'd maintain their positions in Starfleet.

Well there would be not point in worrying if they never reached the Alpha Quadrant. It was time for their leap frog through Alorem Space to begin.

End Part 6


	7. Chapter 7

Betwixt & Between

Part 7

Warning: References to m/m sex in this chapter!

Tom felt was unusually anxious as Chakotay led them to the bed. It wasn't like this was new to him. He'd had sex with men before, none since his time in the academy but it's like riding a bike, right? You never really forget how. The mechanics of it weren't unknown to him. He knew how to do this but it wasn't helping with his nerves.

They'd been leading up to this for some time. In Tom's previous relationships they'd have had sex by now but this was different. This meant more to him than his previous trysts. He felt as though he was making a commitment to Chakotay. Who would have thought that Tom Paris would settle down? The man who would nearly go into anaphylactic shock at the mention of commitment was off the market. Surprisingly it was comforting. Knowing that he'd always have a place to return to and someone who would support him no matter what –it was all quite new to Tom. With his previous partners they'd always placed value in his image, in his family connection, never in just him. Even in his family the prospect of unconditional love and acceptance was foreign. There'd always been a sense that if he failed he would no longer be part of the family. It had proven true after Caldik Prime. A message from his father telling him to move out of their house in San Francisco, the cold shoulder he received from his two older sisters was enough to let him know that he had feared correctly.

However, now he was ready to trust someone again. Chakotay wasn't the type to hurt someone he cared about. It was plain to see how much he cherished his family and friends and now Tom felt like that privilege was his as well. Or so he hoped. What if Chakotay didn't know how much this meant?

He felt a touch at his face and finally noticed Chakotay standing in front of him. They were next to the bed but Tom couldn't tell how long they'd been standing there. "You spacing out on me again?" He smiled and pulled Tom into a kiss before he could respond. The gentle caress of Chakotay's fingers on his cheek, the soft lips, the arms wrapped around his waist dissolved all doubts. Tom put all his emotion into the kiss, returning the embrace of his lover. Chakotay pulled away and looked into the sky blue eyes. He continued the gentle caress as he said, "You can trust me."

In those words, with that touch he conveyed the regret for the way he'd treated Tom before, and a promise that this was no passing fancy.

* * *

"Ugh…"

"Good morning to you too."

Slow uncoordinated contraction of muscles in and near his neck managed to turn Tom's head to the source of the voice. "Mmph," was all the greeting he could manage.

"Not a morning person, are you?" Tom just closed his eyes to his lover. It shouldn't be possible to be that cheerful in the morning. How could he be totally awake already? Tom opened his eyes and noticed that Chakotay was in uniform and lying on top of the sheets rather than naked between the sheets. He frowned.

"Why're you up already?" Tom mumbled.

Chakotay was still smiling. "We start early today remember. You know. Beginning the jumps to the Beta Quadrant. Detouring through Alorem space. Getting home." Chakotay was still wary of what would happen when they returned to Sector 001 but he'd had several discussion with Captain Janeway and he's made several contingency plans for everyone who might be in jeopardy, Tom included. Thus, he was feeling rather excited. Tom however wasn't.

He had tried to schedule Baytart to take them for today but Captain Janeway and Chakotay insisted that it be him. Not only was he the Chief Helmsman so he should be the one to begin this historic journey into the unknown, but also because this was unknown they needed the best pilot at the helm. They data they collected from the probes in particular indicated that crossing the threshold between the two spaces would be the most difficult. The rest should be smooth sailing.

"If you don't get up soon you'll be late," Chakotay warned. "What do you want for breakfast?" he walked to the replicator reciting options, all on him. Tom glowered at Chakotay's cheerful mood but it was good to see him happy. As Tom watched him he got the feeling that this is what mornings would be like for the duration of there relationship. He smiled at that thought and sat up, only to wince when a sharp pain remided him of last night's activities. It didn't stop his smile. After the shock of the pain subsided his smile returned full force plus a few watts brighter.

"Pancakes," Tom called to Chakotay his breakfast order.

"Coming right up!"

Today could be the beginning of a very good day.

After the first shaky jump into Alorem space most the following ones were smooth. Adhering to the strict guidelines given by the Alorem council they stayed away from Alorem establishments and structures to prevent damage. All scans were passive but in realm where life forms were energy and emitted energy they still gained vast amounts of data. The journey was also filled with splendid images of Alorem civilization. Whole cities of energy beings and structures twinkled on the veiwscreen like San Francisco at twilight. Of course as matter beings they could never visit these foreign metropolises. They're curiousity about day-to-day Alorem life only grew with these brushes with the cities and while Tom tried to answer most of the questions there were many to which he had absolutely no knowledge about and many that had not even occurred to him.

Voyager's frequently returned to regular space for supplies and shoreleave. Too much time cooped up together would only cause problems and it was important to maintain Voyager's hardware, software and crew. They were three days ahead of schedule with seventy-two percent of their journey complete when, after leaving Maloras Prime and the friendly inhabitants, they're good fortune ran dry. The Relor were back.

Voyager's presence created an unforeseen breach in the Alorem Defensive Grid. The vessels course was close to the border of Alorem territory to reduce chance encounters with Alorem people and structures. Another requirement was that Voyager always had its shields up to maintain the intergrity of Voyager and prevent harmful energy exhaust from the warp engines from causing any damage. What no one had anticipated was that interaction between photons from the defense grid and Voyager's shield would distort and in sometimes nullify the grid. This was a problem particularly when they crossed between normal and Alorem space. Although instances of grid nullification where rare they provided the enemy Relor and means of crossing, undetected, into Alorem territory.

Violent tremors racked the ship tossing personnel from their stations to floor and sometimes into walls. They were caught dead in the middle of the threshold between the two spaces, held in place by an unknown force. What they did know was that Relor signatures could be found around them on the side of the ship that was in Alorem space and the numbers were increasing.

"Tom, get us out of here!" Janeway's order could barely be heard over the shaking, alerts and frequent overloading of consoles.

Tom did his best and tried every combination of warp frequencies he could imagine until the nacelles threatened to fly of their pylons. Nothing made a difference. "I can't get us free!"

"I'm detecting Alorem signatures," announced Kim. "They're a lot bigger than usual…" On his monitors the Alorem where twenty times bigger and emitted eight thousand times the usual energy. "It looks like their engaging the Relor." Tom continued to try and free the ship while engineering routed more power to the engines it was making a small difference but they needed more. The extra push they needed would not come by conventional means.

Beyond the hull of Voyager and into Alorem space the battle raged. With Voyager trapped at the threshold the grid remained null and Relor forces leaked inside. The Alorem who attempted to resist the Relor where no ordinary Alorem. Just as humanoid species got to war in ship, planes and reinforced armour, so too do the Alorem. Their reinforcement was, as one would expect, comprised of energy –different types harnessed to amplify and accurately direct the pilot's own power. They are not invincible however and many would succumb to the growing force of the Relor attack but one new Relor weapon in particular threatened to decimate all of them.

From the largest Relor attacker came a sudden burst of strange energy, undocumented even to the Alorem. A moment later the border was quiet with only Voyager, caught in the threshold crackling with unbalanced energy. All Alorem and Relor ships were temporiarily disabled. As the crew of Voyager observed in confusion the Relor ships regained operation first and managed to heavily damage and in some cases destroy the Alorem forces. On the Voyager sensors they could see the much smaller and much weaker pilots bailing from their downed contraption but some where destroyed with their machines.

The Alorem forces eventually regained operation and a blanket command from Alorem commanders to rotate their base frequency in hopes of making the new weapon less effective worked. The second time the weapon was fired more Relor ships than Alorem were disabled resulting in major losses for the Relor. The stubborn Relor decided on a third and final activation of their weapon. The battlefield was silenced absolutely this time. The ship carrying the weapon was destroyed a few seconds after its activation due to system overload, taking many nearby Relor ships with it. All vehicles on both sides of the conflict were deadened. The pulse deflected somewhat by Voyager's shields caused the vessel to be pushed back into normal space with a minimal amount of physical damage. Voyager's violent ejection from Alorem space created a field with a net negative force that pulled nearby ships towards it causing many of the Relor ships to be pulled back out of Alorem territory.

While Alorem and Relor recovered their downed combatants, damages and casualties were being counted on Voyager as well. Many of the ships systems were scrambled but a reboot would fix those errors. Cuts, bruises, a few burns and some broken bones were reported but by far the most serious was the chief helmsman.

As Chakotay directed repairs he could not escape the horror of those last moments. They had just been thrust back into normal space when Chakotay saw Tom slumped onto the helm controls unmoving. While Janeway and the other's cleared their head and picked themselves off the deck Chakotay was stumbling towards his lover. The dim light from the console coloured the pale skin and reflected a strange rainbow from the open eyes. He pulled Tom away from the console to rest on the back of the chair while Chakotay cradled his head. Tom was absolutely still and as the rest of the bridge crew took notice of them they fell still as well, watching helplessly as events transpired.

"Tom," he'd called softly and then again more desperately. He touched the cooling face and motionless chest and felt no life. Panic began to creep over his senses causing his skin to tingle and a cool sweat to slick his skin. Over his accelerating breathing he heard Kim cry out in frustration as transporters failed over and over to get a lock on his friend. "Tom…" it had been a near whisper from his trembling lips. Then Chakotay thought he was hallucinating. Something began to flow out of Tom and dissipate in all directions. It was a translucent blue-grey colour and it passed through the air and all object like they didn't exist.

It had not been a hallucination as he would discover when to spoke to the others. The torrent of strange mist-like substance had been Tom's Alorem energy leaving his body. The pulse from the Relor weapon had not being entirely deflected by Voyager's shields and it had damaged the Alorem part of Tom enough that the very energy that sustained him seeped away like blood spills from a wound.

Suddenly Chakotay's arms had been empty the blue shimmer of light bringing back memories of Tom's earlier death in the shuttlebay but his thinking brain kicked in indicating that it was more likely the transporter beam. "He's in Sickbay," Kim stated a moment later, easing Chakotay's panic further. A shaking hand ran down his face and somehow he found the strength to move, to speak, to command.

It was almost 0200 and the ship was quiet again. All injured personnel except Tom had been sent home. Sickbay was dimmed. Chakotay sat alone next to his near dead lover. Unable to even hold his hand he stared alternately at the floor and at Tom's pale face half concealed by the breathing mask of the respirator –one of many medical inventions keeping his body alive. He'd been placed in forcefeild usually used to restrain patients who'd suffered extreme internal and spinal injuries but in Tom's case it kept what little was left of his energy from trickling away. Chakotay sighed. He was tired but on a previous attempt was unable to sleep so he came back here and contemplated his and Tom's rotten luck.

This ephemeral glance at happiness was not enough for him. The last six and a half months during the leaps had given Chakotay more time to know and love Tom. He'd briefly touched upon understanding the happiness and sense of belonging he'd seen between his parents. Finally, he'd found his other half. It could not end like this.

Perhaps the Alorem had some sort of treatment for this. They'd sent a message to Osa but Nie had been the one to respond and visit the ship. He'd briefly given them an account of what had happened on their side, taken a scan of Tom and then left to deliver the information to his superiors. The faint frown on the light-blue being was not comforting but he left with a promise that they would find a way to save him. Chakotay at one point had made a careless comment about the false sense of invincibility Osa had portrayed to them when Tom had first returned. Nie response had been blunt and his tone razor sharp.

"He's been given gifts that allow him to survive but he has also been cursed with new ways to die. He's both, stronger and weaker than all of us. We have never claimed otherwise." It was then plain to see that Tom's condition was affecting Nie as well. He thought of himself as an uncle, given his closeness to Osa and being one of the first to meet the man when he was only human. Now he was only half of both. And thanks to the Relor he was half dead as well. That's how the Doctor at least tried to describe it.

Looking at Tom with even the most invasive scan indicated that he was a perfectly healthy adult male. By human terms Tom was fine but that was only half of it. As the incident with B'Elanna and the Vidians had shown, a hybrid can not live as one half, requiring that the Doctor reincorporate B'Elanna's Klingon DNA. This was a parallel situation with Tom's Alorem half being so badly injured that he can no longer sustain himself. His heart would not beat without assistance. His lungs only worked because the air was forced in and then sucked out manually. His brain function was just above the level of brain dead. What was left of the two energy nodes were several orders of magnitude smaller and weaker than they had been and they continued to fade. Nothing the Doctor tried made a difference. According to Nie even the Alorem were yet able to revive their people who'd been injured by the Relor weapon. The situation was grim but they still had their hope. Unfortunately, Tom couldn't be revived with hope.

Chakotay felt a presence near him and heard someone moving about. Slowly he returned to wakefulness. He sat up from slumped position and covered a wide yawn.

"Good morning, Commander," The Doctor greeted while he continued to check Tom over.

"Anything?"

"There's been no change over night. I would suggest that you get some rest back in your quarters. Sleeping in a chair is not good for your back."

"I know. I know." He couldn't recall when he'd fallen asleep. Though his back protested he knew he'd gotten more sleep here than he ever would have in his own bed without Tom next to him. "What are you doing?" the Commander asked when he noticed the Doctor was turning off Tom's monitoring equipment as switching the life support to and independent system.

"There's been damage to Sickbays main operating system from yesterday. It's minor but the engineering crew wants to reboot the system and replace several components to ensure that there could not be any malfunction of the system especially when Mr. Paris is relying on it."

Chakotay recalled the Kim listed sickbay as one of the systems that needed to be repaired. "So where are you moving him while this is being done?"

"Cargo Bay Two has sufficient space and power to run the medical equipment. It's also only two levels down. Ensign Wildman and I will be there to monitor him and provide care to anyone who needs medical attention."

Chakotay nodded and sat back in his chair staring at the ceiling. The Doctor was tempted to offer some words of reassurance but they all sounded quite trite and clichéd. Maybe it was just that his programming was too imperfect to constitute the correct wording –in any of the many languages available to him –or maybe there was nothing to say.

End Part 7

Sagga Bott...


	8. Chapter 8

Betwixt & Between

Part 8

"How is he?"

The Doctor spared nary a glance at the Captain as she entered the cargo bay. He tapped a few commands into the console before answering. "Mr. Paris's energy levels have risen since we moved him to the Cargo bay. I've yet to determine a cause for this."

"So he's recovering?" Janeway asked looking over at the still and silent man.

"No. The increase in energy has stopped and shows no signs of resuming. I'll continue to monitor him for any changes and attempt to determine the cause."

Janeway nodded. "Keep me informed." She left the cargo bay and headed to engineering to see how repairs were going.

On the bridge Chakotay was in command. He'd left sickbay just a few minutes before they transported Tom to the Cargo Bay since he had bridge duty today. The Doctor had informed the Captain immediately about the change in Tom's condition and in turn she had told him. Chakotay had already been turning around to take the lift to deck six but the Captain had reminded him of his duties and reluctantly he'd continued to the bridge. No doubt Chakotay was unhappy about being away from Tom and although he knew there was nothing he could do to help his lover he felt he should have been there anyway.

Resisting the urge to slump in the command chair the commander pulled up the repair log on the small console next to his seat. Repairs were on schedule. They'd be ready for another jump in four days, provided the Alorem still allowed them to detour through their space. Upon further inspection Harry had discovered the fatal interaction between the barrier and Voyager's shields. They'd probably need to change their course and their point of entry to prevent the same event.

The Alorem still had not contacted them and Chakotay wondered if the damage done by the Relor was worse than initially estimated. He hoped they'd found something to heal the damage done by the Relor weapon, something, anything that would help Tom because Chakotay didn't know what he'd do if he lost Tom again.

"Hey, Harry!"

Turning around Kim saw B'Elanna jogging to catch up with him. "Hi, B'Elanna. Where are you heading?" It was late. He had worked well into Beta shift in order to help with repairs. Torres must have done the same. In fact Harry was surprised to see her out of engineering so early. She usually stayed there for as long as possible.

"I'm probably going to the same place you are. Cargo Bay Two."

Harry smirked. "So, you and Seven are going to trade baking recipes or is she going to tell you how to recalibrate the warp core?" He could see the rage bubbling in B'Elanna at the mention of Seven of Nine, their resident Borg. He was beginning to understand why Tom enjoyed goading her so much.

"That peroxide-top Amazon couldn't recalibrate a wrench!" And she punched Harry in the arm for the first suggestion. "I'm going to see Tom," she stated. "I want to know what the Doctor has found about what happened to him."

"I thought that Osa would have come back by now. Y'know…just to check up on Tom."

B'Elanna shrugged. "I guess he's busy."

Harry concurred but still, "as a father you think he'd at least stop by just to see."

"Sorry, Harry. I can't help you with that. I don't have a lot of experiences dealing with fathers." She said it with a shrug but Harry knew he'd hit a nerve. B'Elanna's father had walked out on her and her mother and, as far as he had figured out, she blamed her klingon heritage. Before he could say anything, even apologize, they were at the cargo bay.

The Doc greeted them in his usual tone and manner. "Lieutenant, Ensign, are you injured? Bleeding? Dying?"

"…no…" Harry responded unsure why the questionnaire.

"Then you have no business here. I am busy. Mister Paris's condition has not changed, so shoo!" B'Elanna stared at him for a moment contemplating how to decompiled him and then brushed past to see Tom. Harry smiled at the Doc and followed her.

Tom was completely still and deathly pale. In sickbay the imposing medical machines that kept him alive were ominous enough, but with the background of Borg alcoves and technology made them even more menacing. "So what's the prognosis, Doctor?" Harry asked.

"Nothing has changed," he repeated.

"But I heard that Tom had improved. I thought he was doing better."

"You've been misinformed Ensign. Lieutenant Paris's improvement appears to be a fluke. I've determined no cause for it and no indication that it will happen again." The hope on Harry's face faded away and a certain algorithm in the Doctor indicated that he felt guilty. In accordance, he attempted to return some of that lost hope to the young man. "However, Tom has not given up. He's still with us. Nor have I given up. I still have many avenues to venture down. So, if you'll clear the area, I'll continue." Harry nodded and after a minute he and B'Elanna left.

They walked in silence with no destination in mind. "This must be hard on Chakotay," Harry said, thinking out loud. It was hard on him too. Tom was his first and best friend on Voyager. They'd shared many things with each other: their pasts, their dreams. He did not want to think of Tom, comatose and steps from death.

B'Elanna didn't like the depressed expression on Harry's face and decided that they needed to get some air. "Come on, Starfleet!" She grabbed his arm and dragged him to the holodeck while Harry protested the entire way. "Loosen up, Harry! We'll just relax for a few minutes then you can go to bed!"

"I don't know…"

"I'll even tuck you in!" Harry smiled. He and B'Elanna had been getting close for the past few months but nothing had happened yet. "So, let's go!"

They arrived to find a moderate number of crewmembers mingling and lounging in the resort program. Kim and Torres decided to lie in some lounge chairs and enjoy a luxury that was only available to them when they were on shoreleave. 'Soaking up sun' was hard to do when they passed thousands of stars every hour and were too far away for them to be anything more than a streak of light. The holodeck was the next best thing.

"This is nice," Harry said to no-one in particular. He had his hands folded across his stomach and his eyes closed.

B'Elanna nodded in agreement. Harry, Tom and Neelix had done a great job on the program. Neelix had done most of the work but Harry and Tom had added the finishing touches to make it more inviting (and of course B'Elanna had made some additions of her own). They could come here and try to forget that they were nowhere near home and that the life of one of their closest friends was hanging by a thread. There was no guarantee that they'd be able to continue their jumps through Alorem Space and they still had over fifteen thousand light-years to go. They'd shaved decades off their trip already but Tom had nearly died in their first encounter with the Alorem and Relor and now he was on his death bed again. B'Elanna looked over and saw a sad look on Kim's face.

"Don't worry Harry. Tom will pull through."

"Yeah…just like always," he said dejectedly. "What if his luck runs out this time? We're so close to getting home." B'Elanna didn't respond. Harry was in a depressed state of mind and B'Elanna didn't know how to bring him out of it; Tom would know.

The two were silent for a long time. The holographic sun shone down on the officers and more people, both holographic and real, came and went occasionally casting shadows on them. Pieces of conversations floated to them: words, phrases, ideas. It added to the mind-numbing background noise of the resort but an off-hand comment had the gears in the chief engineers mind turning overtime.

"…I know…it's like the sunlight re-energizes me…."

Suddenly B'Elanna sat up, eyes wide. The sudden movement from the previously dead still woman startled the two officers who had been speaking nearby. "That's it!" She turned to the startled officers, one of whom was an engineer under her command.

"…L…Lieutenant…?"

"That's why he got better! He was closer!" The two officers looked at each other in confusion. The commotion roused Ensign Kim.

"B'Elanna what are you going on about?"

She pulled him up from the lounge chair, her klingon strength coming in handy. "Come on, Harry! I've got an idea!" He barely had enough time to get his legs to work before B'Elanna was dashing out of the holodeck. He only managed to catch up with her at the turbolift.

"Would you slow down and explain it to me?"

"The warp core!"

"What about it?"

"That's why his condition improved! When they moved him to the cargo bay they brought him closer to the warp core! I think that's why he got a little better."

"Are you sure?"

"Well… no but what else could it be?"

B'Elanna could tell that they were sceptical. It was written on each of there faces but she knew she was right. Damn the Doctor. Why couldn't he just agree to give it a try? The two of them had argued for several minutes and eventually the Doctor decided to bring the captain in on it. She brought Chakotay along with her and now all the senior officers except Tuvok were assembled.

"Doctor, is it possible that the energy from the warp core is somehow affecting Tom?" Chakotay asked reasonably.

"Of course it's possible. Maybe even likely but I don't know enough about his physiology to say for certain. Even things that could be good for him, in excess, could harm him. I would advise against any rash treatments before I have a chance to run proper tests." He looked at B'Elanna as he spoke.

"I'm not suggesting we hook him up to the warp core and give him a transfusion of plasma!"

"I should hope not," the hologram huffed.

"Enough you two," interrupted Janeway. "B'Elanna, are you sure about this?"

She glanced around before answering. "Fairly. I saw Tom once on the engineering upper deck and he was sitting there in his Alorem form. He told me that he could feel the core. During the warp assembly maintenance we did months ago –it was Tom that stabilized the core while it was running at minimum output."

"I think it's worth a shot," said Kim.

"We have to try anything that might help him." Chakotay was desperate to get Tom back. He'd already spent one night without him. He couldn't face another. It was already getting late and Chakotay was dreading the idea of going to bed without Tom.

"For now, Doctor, I want you to continue running tests. Look into B'Elanna's theory. Have a report ready for the briefing tomorrow before Alpha Shift. The rest of you, get some rest." She raised her hands to halt the protests. "Tomorrow we can continue this but right now we're all tired. Tomorrow when we have more information we can go from there. I want Tom back just a much as you do but I will not put him in danger by attempting something without knowing all the facts."

Harry and B'Elanna backed down, agreeing that they needed to know more, however, Chakotay was not as easily convinced. As the two younger officers left Chakotay aired his argument but Janeway wasn't in the mood to listen. She was tired too. This was her ship. They were her crewmembers. She'd nearly lost one in yet another desperate scheme to get home. The guilt was weighing her down. Looking into her first officer's eyes didn't help any. She could see the pain and longing there. This tragedy was worse for him because he was so close to Tom. Despite his pain, despite hers, now was not the time to be arguing this.

"Tomorrow, Chakotay." She turned away. "Goodnight, Doctor." And she left. Chakotay remained there, angry that she would not even listen to him. As an officer he knew that they had to wait but as a man, as a lover, he couldn't. Tomorrow was hours away; a few long, almost eternal hours away. Sighing silently, releasing pent up frustration he slowly made his way to Tom. He pulled a cargo container close and sat on the corner. He'd stay by Tom's side this night, just as he had done in the last. He folded his arms on the edge of the biobed and turned his gaze to Tom's face. He couldn't even touch him. Being close would have to be enough.

It was early afternoon of the next day when they finally brought Tom all the way to Main Engineering. They couldn't use the transporters while Tom was in the condition so it was, again, a tricky matter of manoeuvring the biobed into the lifts and through the corridors. Chakotay was with them the entire way, as was the Doctor who monitored his patient. As the Doctor had expected Tom's energy readings increased proportionally with their proximity to the warpcore. He had done extensive testing nearly all night and had confirmed B'Elanna's theory but even moving Tom directly next to the warp core would not be enough by his estimation. Tom still continued to loose energy –the force-feild could only do so much. It was not a dire threat to Tom now that his energy level was higher but he could not recover if the wound didn't close.

The Doctor set up shop on the upper deck of engineering, not far from the spot where B'Elanna had first seen the new Tom those months ago.

"One hundred and sixty-two percent improvement," He saw the smile appear and then disappear as he continued, "but still only three percent of normal."

"Any other ideas?" the Captain asked of B'Elanna. Most of them had been up half the night unable to sleep and contemplating how else to help Tom. It amounted to about fifteen wasted hours between the four of them.

"No plasma transfusion I presume," B'Elanna said in a sigh and the Doctor shook his head. "That's what I thought." She thought for a few moments. "I don't know how to get him any closer, short of transporting him into the core."

"It was a good try Lieutenant."

"In the mean time, I will remain here with Lieutenant Paris. Perhaps something will spark my creative genius."

"The rest of you, return to your duties we need to finish repairs." Kim and Torres nodded and after a last look at Tom they headed their separate ways. "Commander, we should try to contact the Alorem –determine if we can still cut through their space and if they've found anything to counteract Relor weapon."

"Alright." They headed for the exit but along the way Janeway realized that Chakotay was no longer with her. She looked back and saw the commander gazing sadly at Tom. He looked very lost just then but he pulled himself together. The shoulders rose from their previous slump, the head was high, the commander was back. He turned and continued to the exit joining Janeway and together they went to the bridge.

How long had he been coming here? How long since those eyes had last seen him? Too long probably. He sighed and leaned back in his dark little corner. The deck was quiet. All but the fewest personnel were at the celebration. He snorted what kind of party could it be with Tom still here? Still here after so many weeks and so many attempts to heal him. He wasn't ready to give up though. Neither was the Doctor but even he had to rest. He deserved a break too. He'd been researching almost non-stop to find a way but there'd been no 'Eureka's to speak of.

He stared at the biobed with the prostrate form with the blinking lights on the medical equipment around him. All the while the core droned on with its incessant hum; it teased him y'know! It held the secret to curing Tom. He knew it did. The swirling column hummed to him a taunting tune, the brilliant blue eddies, reminded him of the eyes he hadn't seen in so long. It was becoming more than he could bear not because he could not live without Tom but because he could. He still came to see him everyday, rain or shine so to speak and while he missed his lover's voice and touch, he was growing accustomed to the loss. He could sleep in bed without Tom next to him. Dreamless and hardly restful, it was the sleep of the damned. Before he'd had dreams, confusing, sometimes scary dreams but he believed that they guided him gave him warnings, now there was nothing, he was lost. And yet he was home now.

The last jump had been completed today. They were in the Beta Quadrant, one thousand one hundred and ninety seven light years from Earth, at the edge of klingon territory. They'd arrived at 1751, Baytart at the helm and Tom still in engineering. It had felt so awkward arriving back in known space with Pablo seated in front of him. He'd come down to engineering as soon as he'd been able. While most went to the holodeck or mess hall for the party, Chakotay came here to his second home, at Tom's side. The area was pretty much off limits to regular crew. The lights were dimmed since no one was really here. Chakotay had walked past the biobed to the dark corner. "It should have been you at the helm," was all he could say. Today it hurt vastly to look at Tom but as soon as he left engineering he'd be comfortably semi-normal again. So he stayed. He wanted to feel as deeply and as strongly as he always had with Tom. And didn't Tom deserve that someone should hurt over him? Wasn't he important enough to warrant some heartache?

At some point Chakotay's legs had given up and he slid against the wall down to the floor where he had stayed. The machines beeped annoyingly, the warp core hummed mockingly, Tom lay silently and Chakotay grew more and more used to the situation, his mind and heart almost ready to close the book on this sad chapter. Still, everyday he would come and sit and wait and hope; hope that one day the hurt would feel like it did at the beginning because he could handle that. He couldn't take normal. Normal was too little and too much.

"Depression."

She wasn't surprised.

"It's appeared as a mild imbalance in neurotransmitters. I've prescribed an antidepressant but he refused to take it."

"He may have chosen seek spiritual healing instead."

The Doctor was tempted to roll his eyes but refrained. "Ah, yes. The spirits." While he was more a believer in science he could not dismiss all the evidence of the supernatural. 'More things in heaven and earth…' Hamlet had told his friend. Even hundreds of years later Shakespeare was still accurate.

"Keep an eye on him but let him seek his own healing." She changed the topic, slightly. "Anything new about Tom?" They'd all been asking the same question for many months now –the last two months of their trip through Alorem Space and the first eight months of the fourteen month trip back to the Federation. In half a year they'd be home. They'd already been in contact with Starfleet and received a batch of letters from family and friends. Tom had received one too.

"I'm afraid not. Ensign Kim's last idea was no more successful than the dozens before. I'm looking into a new procedure it's promising but still only in the planning stages." The Alorem had not figured out anything either. Their survivors of the Relor attack were in a similar state to Tom's but many of them had died. Unlike them Tom had a human half that could be kept alive almost indefinitely so long as they could keep some of the Alorem energy inside him. The other Alorem were not so lucky. Once their levels dropped below threshold they could not be saved.

Osa had spent much time on Voyager with his son. At first he'd been working on finding a cure with the other Alorem but as they ran out of ideas and options he spent more time in normal space. He'd even come with them for the first two months of their journey towards the Federation, two months worth of travel he had to make up alone before he could get back to a suitable passage to Alorem space (though the trip would not take Osa anywhere near the time it took them). He'd tried to save Tom the same way he had when Tom had first been sent to their realm from the Relor attack but after an initial improvement there was no change. Now they could only hope that the medical professionals in the Federation could think of a novel solution.

Captain Janeway and Commander Chakotay were once again in the Ready Room. They'd been in contact with Starfleet command using a Klingon relay network. They were still four months away but Janeway and Chakotay had immediately begun looking into the status of the Federation-Cardassian conflict and the Maquis. The information was not as detail as they would have liked but they had expected it. Starfleet would not send any information that they thought would cause problems on Voyager.

They had discovered through Chakotay's personal correspondence that the Maquis resistance had ended with most of the members either dead or imprisoned. It was depressing news for much of the crew. B'Elanna has sunk into a dangerous depression but with the help of Chakotay and her friends she was improving. Chakotay also seemed to be doing a little better. The news about the Maquis was a stumbling block on his road to recovery but when he felt weak he turned to the spirits and they had guided him. He still visited Tom daily but his lover's state didn't seem to weigh on him as much as it had. Kathryn hoped this was a good sign.

The rest of the news from Starfleet went something like this: a few systems had joined, there was peace between the Federation and the Klingons, the Cardassians had joined forces with the Breen and the Dominion, the Dominion had been successfully subdued in the AQ. No details were forthcoming but the war had only recently ended. The current state of peace was in its infancy and just as fragile. There seemed to be worry that Voyager's appearance with half a crew full of wanted criminals and a Borg would ignite the powder keg, so to speak. Even so they didn't seem to be planning to put the Maquis crew in jail. They had been right after all, even if it was for the wrong reason. The Maquis had never trusted the Cardassians, not with maintaining the Demilitarized Zone and not with following the guidelines for the truce set by the Federation and the Cardassion Union. The rest of the quadrant had to learn the hard way what the Cardassion Union was like, and that had led to war.

"Well so far so good," Kathryn sighed as she put down the padd.

Chakotay nodded absently and continued reading. He wanted to make sure this was air tight. They hadn't been able to negotiate the Maquis crew remaining in Starfleet but they stated that "after the debriefings a personnel review board will evaluate each former Maquis crewmember individually" and from there determine who stays. The Federation statute of limitations would take care of some of the charges against them and the sympathy towards the Maquis will put Starfleet in bad light if they were to prosecute aggressively. The Maquis had also been smart group of people. To minimize potential charges were they ever caught, they made sure that as little information as possible was leaked and that evidence was destroyed if they were in danger. The result was that they could only be prosecuted for minor crimes and if they were lucky the sentences would be commuted to time served on Voyager and probation.

Finally Chakotay put the padd down. He rubbed tiredly at his eyes. He thought reports on Voyager were long winded. These Starfleet guys were experts at superfluous language. "Well as soon as we get there, we'll know for sure." He flipped through a few other padds that lay next to his cup of tea. "Have you seen anything on Neelix, Seven or Tom?"

She picked up a stray padd. "They don't have any problem with Neelix. His file was pretty cut and dry. I don't know what threat even the most suspicious Admiral could accuse of a lone foreigner, half a galaxy from his home."

"It's going to be lonely for him here –the only Talaxian, the only being from the delta quadrant. It'll be quite a culture shock for him."

"I don't know. I think we've sufficiently acclimatized him to weird Alpha Quadrant tastes and customs." She smiled at her and he couldn't help but return the grin.

"So, anything on Tom and Seven?"

"They're interested in meeting a person freed from the collective but they haven't given any details." She picked up and discarded a few more reports. "Nothing on Tom."

"They got his file right? They know about how he's changed."

"It was all there. I can't speculate as to why they haven't said anything about him but there's no way they can put him back in prison."

"Is his sentence over?" Strangely Chakotay never thought to ask Tom how long he was sentenced for. In the beginning he just didn't care. He figured that Admiral Paris would look out for his son.

"No. There's still six years minimum to go. They couldn't lay on too many charges. They couldn't definitively prove he was working for the Maquis but they gave him the max far all the other crimes."

Chakotay closed his eyes and wondered what would have happened to Tom had he been in Auckland for ten years. It was already plain to see (for those who chose to look) that his incarceration had affected him. How much of it was and would have been his fault? Before, the indifference had shielded him from the guilt but now, he was vulnerable to all the pain he had helped cause.

"They won't do anything Chakotay. Tom won't be well enough to go to prison even if he woke up tomorrow. I also doubt that Auckland would be able to hold him. Given his Alorem abilities I don't think there's anyway to imprison him if he doesn't want to be."

Chakotay nodded silently in agreement but that didn't negate the fact that Tom still had a prison sentence hanging over his head.

Weeks had passed and in another set of letters from home they finally received word about Tom's status. Starfleet was going to put Tom on probation pending a full inquiry. They also sent some information from Starfleet medical researchers who had been informed of Tom's condition. They theorized that the energy of the warp core needed to be modified just like a blood transfusion between species had to be modified. They'd sent schematics of a device they thought would be able to do the job but the Doctor and B'Elanna were sceptical. The holodeck simulations were not highly promising and Chakotay, next-of-kin or not, refused to have a procedure done that may endanger Tom's life.

They had just reached the two month mark on the countdown to home when Osa and Nie caught up with them for a visit.

"How is he?" Osa asked Chakotay. He was aware of how Tom felt about this man and knew that the feelings were returned.

"Still the same." His voice was level.

"You're Federation has not been able to help?"

A sigh. "They tried but it's not enough."

"May I see their attempt?" Osa tolerated Chakotay's brief scrutiny before the other man shrugged and went to a nearby console.

"The doctor's made some modifications to improve the device but it's just too unstable to risk." He indicated the schematics on the screen. Osa remained silent as he perused the data. Their own Alorem experts had conceived a similar concept –an energy transplant –but there was no universal donor, not in Alorem space anyway.

"Your warp core is compatible." It wasn't quite a question but Chakotay felt he should clarify.

"It's similar. Tom had told a friend of his that he could feel the warp core and that the energy resonated with him. His condition improved a little when we relocated him to engineering."

Osa nodded to himself thinking rapidly. "This could work." He turned to leave.

"Wait! What is it?" Chakotay asked.

Osa ignored him and detoured to Tom's side. He placed a pale hand on Tom's shoulder and whispered something to him.

"Osa!"

Finally the taller man faced him. He placed his hands on Chakotay's shoulders. "It could work. I need to speak with Nie but I'll return swiftly." Before Chakotay could say anything the man was fading away.

Ensign Kim stood at the side, far enough away not to interfere but close enough that he could see. He wanted to help but they said that there was nothing he could do. The chief engineer was present to monitor the core. The Captain was there because she was a scientist and could help. Chakotay was there against the Captain's better judgement –you wouldn't want a person's family member to watch as they underwent brain surgery –but he would not be kept away. She had been mildly surprised at his insistence. Lately he'd been very calm, very collected, very commander-like. She had thought (half angrily) that he was over Tom. He was coping almost too well.

The Doc was there for obvious reasons and then there was Nie and Osa. They would be the one who did most of the work. It didn't seem possible –to go into the warp core –but that was the plan. Yesterday Kim had been helping B'Elanna place the Modifier on the port plasma injector. It changed the plasma and then they had it shunted back into the core. They allowed the process to continue until the core was filled with 99.999 modified warp plasma.

Initially they'd intended to use a separate chamber but the plasma lost its kinetic energy too rapidly once it was out of the core. Now all they had to do was put Tom inside and make sure he didn't burn to a crisp. That job went to Nie. Osa had volunteered but after what was assumed to be an argument between the two masses of glowing energy, Osa conceded.

The final preparations were complete. Now was the moment of truth. The Doctor turned off the force-field that had kept him alive for these many months. The medical devices were disconnected and Tom was still and silent. Nie quickly scooped him up, his large frame having no trouble with the extra weight. Just at the threshold of the warp core Osa approached and touched Tom's face gently. He mumbled a prayer and leaned over to touch his forehead to Tom's.

"We'll both be back," Nie promised. He stepped confidently forward and into the swirling blue mass that could easily kill them but just might save Tom.

Chakotay watched silently. He had double and triple checked everything but it all came down to trust. He trusted Nie to keep Tom safe. He had to because he had realized this chapter of his life was not ready to end, not now, if ever. He could not go back to the way he was. Contrary to what his friends and colleagues conjectured, he was not coping, he was numb.

End Part 8

Sagga Bott…


	9. Chapter 9

Betwixt and Between

Part 9

Everywhere on the ship the lights were low. With the warp core being used to heal Lieutenant Paris the ship was at all-stop and only the most necessary systems were running using the back power and fusion generators. Voyager had been moved to a relatively safe location while the procedure occurred. Tuvok was in command –his tactical knowledge would be very useful should any hostiles come about. The ship's defences were compromised without the warpcore online and he had requested that Ensign Kim remain on the bridge but the Captain wanted him in engineering in case something went wrong. They had restricted Engineering to only the few necessary personnel.

There was no indication how long the procedure would take. It might be days it might be instant. Noone could tell.

"Mommy, can we go to the holodeck?" young Naomi Wildman asked her mother as she walked out of her room.

"We can't today, honey. They're trying to help Uncle Tommy."

"He's still sick?"

Ensign Wildman nodded and pulled her daughter to her lap. "But they're trying to help him."

"Jenny said Tommy's Daddy was here? Is my Daddy here too?" she asked innocently.

Samantha smiled thinly. "Not here, but we're really close. You just have to wait a little longer." She'd sent a message to her husband when they'd first been able. She'd included a picture of Naomi for him to see. She was understandably sad when he sent a message back saying he'd thought her dead and was set to marry someone else in a few months. Still he had expressed genuine interest and excitement about Naomi. He would love her –she didn't doubt that –but what made her smile with tears is that he still loved her but had moved on.

"Mommy, does Tommy have a Daddy on Earth too?" She had overheard some confusing conversations and looked to her mother for clarification.

"Um…yes, he does."

"Just like Sarah and that girl will be two Mommy's when their baby comes?"

"Not quite but….what makes you think they're going to have a baby?"

"Sarah said. I heard in sickbay."

Sam had asked the Doctor to baby sit Naomi while she'd been busy a few days ago. Looks like she'd have to give Naomi the "no eavesdropping" lecture, but not now. For now they would sit quietly and hope that their crewmate would be alright.

The blue sickbay gown vaporized as Nie stepped in with Tom in his arms. There had been startled gasps but Tom and Nie appeared unharmed. Soon they were inside the heart of the ship and could not be seen. Swirls of energy overflowed the core but caused no damage. B'Elanna watched the sensors carefully as the core temperature continued to climb. It wasn't at a dangerous level, yet.

"Should it take this long?" Kathryn asked.

"It's only been twelve minutes, Captain," stated B'Elanna.

They continued to wait, some more patient than others. Chakotay stood silently in his spot, one arm crossed over his chest and the hand of his other resting against his bottom lip. He'd hoped that this would be an in-and-out, simply procedure but as B'Elanna had announced just a few minutes ago they were rapidly approaching the two hour mark. The warp core temperature had stabilized at 97 of the normal absolute temperature and there was no risk to the ship. Now they just needed to know what was going on inside.

An alarm started to blaze. The energy output had dropped to only a small fraction of normal yet the internal reactions continued. The blue light faded to a dull grey and there was no sign of either Tom or Nie. Chakotay went to a console and ran a quick scan. There was no trace of his lover there was however a strange anomaly.

"…The Passage…" Osa said softly.

Janeway wanted in. "The what?"

"It's a portal to a parallel realm of our space, a transition zone as it were."

"Transition from what to what?"

"We're not entirely sure but as long as they don't stray to close they should be fine."

"Should be?" Chakotay asked. There was something else that Osa was not telling them.

"If they stray too close, they'll be taken too."

"Too close to what? Where will they be taken?" Chakotay was urgent but Janeway had a more level head.

"Does Nie know enough to stay away from…it?"

"Yes." He hoped so.

Nie held Tom a little tighter but could not keep from being in awe of their surroundings. It was indescribable. Chaotic but predictable. Rapid but calm. Dark yet blinding. Tom seemed to stir a little, the glow from his energy essence now stronger. "Come on child. It's time to wake up." Although he could have stayed at that spot for a thousand years and not grown tired of the view he knew that this place could be dangerous too. Problem was he didn't know how to get back. He wasn't sure how they got here. He'd looked down at Tom for a moment, he'd felt something cold slide over them, then here they were. It seems that warpcore was more than just an engine.

Nie cautiously scanned the area with his senses and determined no other presence similar to his or Tom's. There were others here but they were different, perhaps blind to his and Tom's presence. It would be better to err on the side of caution and exit before anything stirs. All he had to do was find a way out. "Don't worry Thomas. We'll be home soon."

A rapid beeping filled the tense air and pulled B'Elanna's attention back to her console. The sensors around the core were detecting a sudden uncontrollable drop in the energy. The warp core was dark grey and completely soundless.

"What happened?" Janeway asked.

B'Elanna shook her head as she called up more sensor scans. "The cores out."

"Out?"

"Out. Dead. Cold. Most of the plasma has vanished and the rest of it has cooled. The energy output is zero."

"Where are Tom and Nie?"

"Likely, stuck on the other side," Osa answered.

"How do they get back?"

"Without a portal, they can't. The warp core must be started again to give them a method to exit."

"That will take at least twelve hours Captain," B'Elanna informed. Twelve hours if she had all her engineering staff working on it. They'd have to restart the core and they modify the plasma again, which would take five additional hours.

"Get started." Janeway turned to Osa. "Is there anything else we can do? Can we contact them?"

"We've never discovered a method to do so."

Chakotay interrupted. "You've been to this Passage before. There has to be another method to get there."

"Yes but the portals which we've used previously appear intermittently in various locations in Alorem space. And even then only those who manage to find another portal make it out. We've lost many brothers and sisters to the Passage."

"Why didn't you warn us of this?" Janeway asked. What else wasn't he telling her?

"We didn't know it could happen here. There is no evidence that your kind ever experience the Passage."

Janeway held her ire in check. This wasn't the time. "We'll need any information you have about this 'Passage'." Osa nodded. "Chakotay, you're in charge here. Keep me informed." She didn't think she'd be able to drag him away and she wasn't going to try. She left engineering in the capable hands of her officers and went to the bridge.

"I am sorry. I didn't consider the Passage to be a threat to them." Osa implored the smaller man to believe him.

Chakotay picked up a blank padd and handed it to him. "I'll forgive you when we get them back." He walked away with a stony face, hiding the worry that otherwise consumed him. Osa watched him go until he blended into the crowd of engineers that had been called to help. He would do his part as well. Everything, absolutely everything, he knew of the Passage and the portals to and from would be written in this padd. The council had told everyone who came in contact with the Voyagers not to impart sensitive information but here he would make an exception. This was not just some treaty or some goodwill mission. This was the very existence of his son in jeopardy. The council be damned! This was more important.

Eighteen hours later main engineering was quiet again. They'd restarted the core, and modified the plasma. It had been a long and taxing process but B'Elanna's crew had worked hard and well. When this was over they all deserved a break. It may be a long time coming. Although the conditions were set there was no way to duplicated all the events that lead up to the creation of the anomaly. They could only speculate as to how the presence of Tom and Nie had affected the many major and minor reactions occurring within the swirling blue mass. They had conservatively tried to mimic what had been recorded in the scan but nothing other than the induced changes occurred. They maintained the core temperature at 97, just as it had been and hoped. A team of two would monitor that core at all times just in case something occurred. So for the next who-knows-how-long they played the waiting game.

Osa had been granted access to Tom's quarters. He didn't expect to find anything that would help bring Tom back. He was merely looking for something to bring him comfort. He looked at the artefacts Tom had collected throughout his journey. Normally they would be meaningless to the energy being but they meant something to Tom and thus to Osa as well. He gently touched a model of some kind of antique flying invention and read the caption on the base of the mount. "Circa 1993, United States Navy F-14 Tomcat." He didn't understand the human compulsion to take to the sky. There was no sky in Alorem space. He didn't know how it was to watch bird and yearn for the same base freedom gifted to them by a creator or by some fluke of evolution. He didn't understand it, yet he had felt it. Through Tom and because of Tom he had felt a range of new things. Tom's joy for something as simple as being able to propel oneself through a medium by only thought and instinct had surprised him. They all took if for granted -his people- but for Tom everything was new and held in contrast to his old limits, most of which had been shattered by Osa's decision to make him one of the Alorem.

He walked towards Tom's sleeping area and on the way he stepped on something. A padd –innocuous enough, but hardly and ideal place for it. He picked it up and after activating it, he read the title. It was a novel written a long before Tom's time and he didn't quite understand what relevance it would have to his son. The padd was worn though. The surface of the keys were smooth and shiny from use, the edges and back of the padd was scratched and compared to the one he'd been using some time ago in engineering, this padd looked to be of an old model. He was about to place it on a small table next to the sofa dismissing it from mind, but he didn't. Instead he sat down on the cushions and thumbed the screen to shift to the next page. He would sit there for hours reading the story, gaining insight into the human struggle and insight into his son. After that he would choose to willingly give up ever getting to know him, to save him.

Chakotay woke from a restless sleep in his quarters. The ships time meant little to him. He'd been in engineering for several hours before he felt the fatigue weighing his body down. He'd completed his monitor of the core and headed to his quarters, to his lonely bed and was out only moments after his head hit the pillow. Hours had ticked by lazily until Chakotay had naturally roused from his slumber feeling little better for it. A quick sonic shower was all he felt up to and small meal of salad and bread. He sat for far longer than was usually necessary and picked at and around the leaves and vegetables of his food. Giving up on food for the time being he went to his medicine bundle, packed neatly away on the top shelf of his closet. He sat in his usual spot when he communed with the spirits, the middle of his living area. Reverently he unfolded the old leather and carefully removed the contents: a rock, a feather, his akoonah.

The objects were familiar in his hands and the motions and words of this ritual came to him without effort. He touched his hands to the pad of the akoonah and the blinking lights danced in their pattern. He removed his hands from the small device and placed the flat rock with the swirled pattern between his palms and held it tightly.

"…though I am far from the bones of my people and the place of my birth I hope that there is a spirit here among these stars that would guide me…when I am now so lost…" his last words had been a harsh whisper filling the otherwise empty room.

"Chakotay," a voice called him; a familiar and comforting voice. "Chakotay." He pronounce the cadence of his name with perfection, he should. He'd given the name to him.

"Father." He opened his eyes and found himself on the surface of an unknown planet. The ground was barren but the earth beneath him resounded with a force he'd only weakly felt before. This place, whatever and wherever it was, was a guidepost. He looked up and found not a sky of Earth-blue or Vulcan-red, but a sky with omni-coloured current of something unknown to him painted over a dark background.

"Why are you here, Chakotay?" His father's voice called to him from all around him. Turning on the spot he found the image of his father standing only a few feet away. Just the man he remembered and missed for so long.

"I don't know."

"Why are you here, Chakotay?" By the tone of Kolopak's voice he could tell he wasn't supposed to be here but the spirits placed him here for a reason; now he just had to figure out what that was.

"I seek guidance." The ground pulse beneath his feet nearly putting him off balance. That's when he noticed, he had no shadow. He looked at his father and the dark shadow that extended to his right. The light from above passed through him but Kolopak was opaque. Now he was sure he didn't belong here but he had been brought here.

"Why are you here?"

Chakotay swallowed his frustrations. This was often the nature of spirit walks. They could not lead him down a path if he didn't understand why he walked it. They asked him questions and he had to find the right answer for himself.

"I'm lost."

"Which way do you want to go?"

"I want to go to my mate."

"Where is your mate?"

"I don't know."

Kolopak didn't respond at first, simply regarded him. Chakotay thought he was supposed to say more but the older man spoke before him. "You are both lost?"

Chakotay's response was slow in coming. Tom was somewhere. That he believed, but he didn't know where. He wasn't sure if that qualified Tom as lost but…

"Yes."

"You chose this one to walk with for the journey that is your life. Where do you walk if you are lost?"

"I don't know, but when I find him we can guide each other."

"You are his guide post and he is yours."

"Yes," Chakotay responded feeling on the verge of the breakthrough. "but I can't guide myself."

The earth beneath him pulsed and this time Chakotay did fall. "What is this?"

"Nashowa."

He didn't recognize the word at first but slowly the knowledge awoke from the recesses of his mind. "You're dead. Nashowa guides the dead."

"Yes. You are lost." Chakotay was becoming frustrated. Had they not established that already? "Find your soul mate and find your way."

"I will," came the solemn answering. The world around Voyager's first officer faded and in the last instance the voice of his father urged him on saying:

"…together you can guide each other…together you will never be lost…"

Someplace he heard a voice. He'd been drifting for some time now. He couldn't estimate his duration in this limbo. The thought of linear time didn't even occur to him. He simply was and sometimes, when he faded out, he wasn't. Still the nothingness persisted. Inklings of feelings sometimes caressed his being but otherwise all he knew was emptiness. He began fading out again. There was no surprise, no fear, no nothing. It just happened and he expected it. He'd return to this place again.

The nothingness was back again –the same, but different. Something had changed. No, he had changed. He could see, hear, smell...nothing. Ephemeral glimpses into memory punctuated his existence. He tried to focus on them but he had no control over them. New yet familiar sensations accompanied many of the images. Little information was conveyed but from it all he learnt two things. He didn't belong here and he didn't know where 'here' was. With this epiphany he began to search but there was nothing to guide him. A vaguely familiar feeling of dread crawled to his senses. He was hopelessly lost…hopelessly alone…

Joe Carey was halfway through his shift monitoring the core with Ensign Kim when Osa walked in. He watched, fascinated, as the being approached the core. They looked strangely similar, the alien and the warpcore. Osa stared at it contemplating something his puny mind obviously would never be able to comprehend. He snorted earning a look from Kim. Maybe he could understand though. A father had lost his child. Joe had lost his children when he'd been thrown to the quadrant. Still, they were not powerless. Every spark of imagination or genius might have been the one to get this ship home. All efforts were equalled in minutes reduced from their journey and at last it had paid off. He was only a few figurative footsteps from home.

Joe watched Osa as he walked over to Harry, considering that perhaps he did understand. He understood that no father would give up.

"You may want to check up on your Commander in a few minutes," Joe overheard Osa say to Kim. "And tell Thomas…that I'll always be with him, even when I can't be."

Kim watched in shock as Osa walked into the warpcore. The sensors beeped and alarms rang as readings tipped off the scales. "What is he doing?" Kim exclaimed.

Doing what any parent would, Joe answered silently.

His father and the planetary representation of Nashowa had just vanished when Chakotay felt something calling to him. He followed the strong presence.

Something new permeated the nothing. He turned to it following the familiar and comforting presence.

Nie suddenly found his arms empty. Thomas was gone but not far. He was drifting at a fair pace but directly to main stream, the most dangerous part of the Passage. Nie was after him instantly. He tried to stop him but Tom was still unresponsive. His energy was so low that Nie knew he couldn't be awake but something was drawing him. The blue-grey Alorem guided Tom around the bulk of the passage allowing the younger being to continue in the general direction. Where was he going?

Tom! That was his name! He recalled now. He felt someone pulling him and he followed regardless of his shifting surroundings. Chakotay the name came to him as the presence grew stronger.

He felt Osa briefly but his confusion at the other man's presence was overrun by the excitement of feeling Tom near him. He searched harder, followed faster and suddenly Tom was before him, his form half Alorem and half human, all beautiful. He looked the same –eyes still closed, face expressionless. Chakotay was just happy he'd found Tom. He took Tom's face in his hand and touched his forehead to Tom's in relief.

Tom knew he'd arrived. He was where he was meant to be. The rest of him flooded back to his body coalescing in his synapses and energy nodes bring Tom back from his state of near death. There was no spectacular display of dazzling lights, or colours, or sensations. His eyes just opened. He saw the face and he felt touch of his love.

"Cha…" the syllable ghosted past his ears. He opened his eyes and met sparkling blue. "I've missed you."

Nie was next to them and had to interrupt. "We have to go." Tom wasn't fully aware yet but Chakotay managed to tear himself from Tom's eyes.

"How?"

"I'm not sure-"

Suddenly their whole plane of existence tilted violently. Nie reached out to protect Tom and Chakotay but he passed right through Chakotay. Nie didn't question it. He knew technically that Chakotay couldn't really be there, so he held onto Tom protecting him for the suddenly chaotic environment. Tom continued to touch Chakotay not worried about the shift in their surroundings. Chakotay's eyes were fastened to his and he knew that they would be okay.

All around them Osa manipulated the little understood parallel realm and propelled his child and the two other's back to safety using the strong spirit of the commander to guide them home. As they journeyed the apparition of Chakotay faded. "I'll see you soon," he said with a smile before he vanished completely leaving Tom, Nie and Osa to finish the journey without him. He would guide them home. They weren't lost anymore.

He felt himself fading from the normal realm and moving closer to the parallel one as his strength diminished. He touched the face of his child. "I love you." Tom must have heard him or felt the touch because he turned, his face bright with happiness. It fell as he saw Osa fading. He knew what it meant.

"No!" He struggled to get out of Nie's grasp but the older being held fast. He too knew what was happening to Osa but there was nothing either of them could do. Tom reached back for him and Osa could just barely brush his fingertips before he faded. The last image he had of his son was of pain and anguish but he knew that his sacrifice was barely worth the gift he'd already been given.

"PAKA!"

Again, much of the plasma vanished. The rest cooled and the core was dead, again. Torres growled in frustration and couldn't stop herself from slamming a fist into a nearby console. Harry had called her when the sensors had gone crazy after Osa had walked into the core and just as she had arrived the core died. "Start the calibration and begin modifying more plasma." They'd have to start over again.

"Wait!" It was Carey. "I'm still detecting a strong energy. It's like the core…"

Torres was heading to look at his readings but another engineer called out. "Lieutenant!" Recognizing the urgency in the voice Torres headed there first, Harry right behind her.

"Kahless!"

The bright blue light faded quickly and the forms of Tom and Nie were revealed. Tom collapsed to his knees as soon as the energy released him. He didn't register that he was in main engineering. All he knew was that his father was gone. Tears spilled silently down cheeks pale from shock. Nie kneeled next to him and embraced him as he cried, sobs muffled by the body now more matter than energy.

Harry was relieved that Tom was back but still worried about him. Something had happened. Where was Osa? And Chakotay! Osa had told him to check up on him. "Kim to Chakotay." There was no response. He addressed B'Elanna. "Stay here I'm going to find the Commander." He turned and almost ran straight into the broad chest of the first officer. Chakotay easily sidestepped the startled Ensign and went straight to Tom.

He stared for many long moments. He could barely believe it was real. Tom was back. Tom was home.

Tom chose that moment to look up. He wiped his eyes. "Cha…" he said his voice breaking. He threw himself into the arms of his lover revelling in the feel of the strong arms around him. He was so happy to see him but the loss of his 'Paka' prevented his eyes from drying. Chakotay just held him as he'd longed to do for too many months.

Captain Janeway spoke to Nie while the Doctor looked Tom over, Chakotay standing nearby. Nie explained as best he could what had happened, including the unfortunate loss for Osa.

"He must have known the risk he was taking."

"I'm sure he did," Nie responded, his hollow voice tired. "Creating a conduit for us to return through would have exhausted him completely."

"How did he find a way back?" Janeway asked knowing that Nie had been lost prior to Osa's interference.

"Chakotay. Osa used him as a guidepost. He energy was unusually strong. It saved us. We followed it here."

Janeway turned to watch her first officer. He had hidden depths; his ferocity and soothing calm only small parts of what is a great man. He stood near Tom, his emotions mostly hidden but his affection for Tom as bright as a nova. She hoped that together Tom and Chakotay could both heal. She had no doubts about the two of them, not when they were together.

Tom sat watching the stars pass by. Absently he ran he touched the fingers of his right hand, almost reliving the moment when Osa was lost to him. It had been a few days and he felt a little better but still depressed. Chakotay was a huge help once he let the other man close enough to share in his pain. He had been reluctant to since he had caused Chakotay so much pain already. Fourteen months he'd been near dead and all that time Chakotay had never given up on him. Tom stilled. He wasn't worthy of such a dedication, such love, but he couldn't let him go. He was glad that Chakotay had been able to continue with is life. After hearing how long he'd been out for he worried that Chakotay may have found someone else. He didn't begrudge him his happiness but it would have been very, very difficult to let him go. He'd been pleasantly surprised to find Chakotay still next to him. If Tom had remained in his near-dead state he hoped that Chakotay would move on before another opportunity at happiness passed him by.

He glanced back at the stars –stars of the Alpha quadrant. They didn't look any different than the ones in the Delta he decided. They were just under two months from Earth. He wasn't looking forward to it. He never really had been. He dreaded meeting his father again but in light of everything that had happened recently, the Admiral's opinion of him was not high on his list of worries, nor was prison. He wasn't going back there. The whole parole board could kiss his white ass. He had somewhere else he'd rather be. Just then the door to the quarters slid open.

"Hey babe," Chakotay greeted with a smile. Tom could see the relief in his eyes at seeing him awake and well. Some part of the big man was still worried that Tom would vanish. Tom would gladly use the rest of his life to allay the fears and never consider a moment of it a waste.

He stood and they embraced. Lips touching and arms wrapped around one another. This was where he belonged. In these arms he'd found home. And home is where he'd rather be.

End Part 9

Sagga Bott…


	10. Chapter 10

Betwixt & Between

Part 10

They'd arrived. The fan fare was still in full swing even days later. News broadcasts were fraught with Voyager tidbits of every kind. The crew manifest had been released officially and the reporters were busy pulling up all available information on the crew but mostly on the Captain and the senior staff. Starfleet had yet to release any details as they were still undergoing debriefings. It had leaked though, that the chief helmsman had some sort of incident with an alien species very recently and there was wild speculation from all.

Thankfully today was the last day of debriefings. The commanding officers were left for last and after hours of gruelling interviews and questions they were free to go. Tom had been informed that his sentence had been shortened and commuted to time served on Voyager so he was free. He met the news with a stoic face and a slight shrug. The panel of officers had looked at each other and then dismissed him.

That had been hours ago. Currently Tom and Chakotay waited in a small meeting room for Admiral Paris and his sister's to appear. They had met Chakotay's family earlier that day when the crew as a whole had triumphantly stepped out of quarantine into the public eye and into the loving embraces of many loved ones. Tom had only been greeted by nosy reporters who'd managed to get in but Chakotay had seen his mother and one of his brothers. He'd been overjoyed at seeing them both alive and well and they had spoken animatedly for many minutes giving into the urge to hug every so often. Eventually remembering his lover Chakotay introduced a nervous Tom to the assembled members of his family. Tom couldn't recall exactly what was said, his nerves getting the better or him, but it had gone well. Chakotay's older brother had given him the once over and then glanced at Chakotay before pulling Tom into a hug. His brother was a handsome man too. Strong build, similar features, tanned skin and the sweeping tattoo over the left brow –no dimples though. Chakotay's mother was an aged woman but her own beauty was visible in the lined faced, bright smile and sharp eyes. They seemed to accept him and Tom was more than a little relieved.

Now it was Chakotay's turn to meet the family. Tom didn't seem nearly as nervous as he was when he met Nayib and Chakotay's mother. As they waited they spoke softly to each other, Tom leaning on the table and Chakotay in front of him. The door at the other end of the room opened and three people stepped in. Tom had his back to the door but he saw the smile on Chakotay's face fade. Taking a deep breath Tom turned and faced his family.

They looked each other over. Tom couldn't help thinking that they looked old. His father had lost more hair and it was now completely white. There were more lines around his face and they didn't look like they were from smiles. His sister's were still 'not ugly' (the best compliment a brother could give to a sister) but they too had more lines. They were several years older than he was but he could not mistake the sparkle their eyes had always held –although currently their eyes were wide with surprise.

"Tom?" Kathleen the younger of his two sisters asked?

"Who else would I be?" The response was so Tom that they knew it had to be him.

"You look different," this from Moira.

Thought of Osa sprang to his mind. The hurt had faded since his death but it was still strong. A brief smile was all he could manage. "I'll tell you about it later." He slowly drew his eyes to his father, the man he'd managed to disappoint at every turn. He didn't know what to say. "…Admiral."

A sad smile twisted the old face and he stepped forward. He pulled his son into a hug. The appropriate words had vanished from his mind the moment he'd stepped through the doors. All he wanted to do was get back what he'd finally realized he'd lost. Tom pulled away a slight smile on his face. He cleared his throat suddenly feeling choked and turned to Chakotay. "This is Chakotay, my fiancé." Admiral Paris shook his hand while extending his congratulations to both of them. Chakotay had only proposed last night during their quiet evening together. Well technically Tom proposed since Chakotay had been too nervous to get the words to come out in the correct order so Tom had proposed to Chakotay instead.

Chakotay shook the older Paris's hand and tried to gauge what the man was really feeling but poker face was impenetrable. He accepted the chaste hugs Tom's sisters gave him and conversation was polite but strained for a few more minutes. Eventually they parted way.

Tom was silent most of the way back to their housing unit. "They were nice," Chaktoay said. Tom smirked.

"No, your family was nice, mine was…formal. It's always been that way." There was a wistful note in his voice but he recognized that things weren't going to change that much. Maybe he and his father would be able to get along but he wasn't sure. Tom had changed over the years as had his father but only time would tell if it was enough.

Chakotay wrapped an arm around Tom's waist and leaned in to kiss his neck. It brought a smile to the blonde man's face just as it was intended to. "Don't worry about it. We've got all the time in the world to make things right. There's no rush."

"I guess." They walked for while more thinking about home until Chakotay interrupted.

"My mom and brother liked you." Tom gave a non-committal 'hmm'. "And I think I can win over your sisters with my charm." Tom laughed outright. "What? I won you over didn't I?"

Tom continued to smile. "I guess."

"Exactly!" Tom shook his head ruefully. "So when do you want to head to Dorvan and meet everyone else?"

"Everyone else?" Tom stopped walking as his nerves returned with a vengeance.

"Yeah. My other brother, my two sisters, and wives or husbands, nieces, nephews…"

Tom was more than a little overwhelmed. "Uh…can't your mom and Nayib just pass along to them what a great guy I am?" Tom asked, half-joking.

Chakotay gave his nervous fiancé a quick hug and made a suggestion. "How about we order in, and we can discuss what to do next?" They still had a lot to discuss. Where to live? When and where to marry? Whether to stay in Starfleet or not? Yes, plenty to discuss but they'd made it. They weren't in a hurry anymore.

Generations later…

He'd been around for a while now. They didn't call him child anymore (at least not to his face). He was a more experienced Alorem contributing to his adoptive people and family. Juma and Nie had been like an aunt and uncle to him since he had arrived so long ago. Though he'd been an adult human he was a very young Alorem and needed to be guided and taught just as though he was an infant and occasionally even now he needed their guidance.

It had been a long time since he'd gone to Earth, Dorvan or anywhere in Federation Space which had expanded greatly over the years. He and Chakotay had adopted children, orphans of the war. They had wanted a child that biologically was theirs too but the Alorem council forbade it. Their fears were grounded. They had worried, when Osa had made Tom an Alorem, that the power he received would corrupt him somehow. So far that had not happened but it would be a risk to create another hybrid.

So they'd adopted and if there was any difference between loving an adopted a child and one that carried their genetic material, they'd never felt it. Three great children had grown up under their care and eventually started their own families. Chakotay and Tom had lived well on Dorvan with each other but it had ended far too soon.

As time went on Chakotay, just like all humans, had aged. Tom however had not (it was always tricky trying to explain it to other people). They'd received some looks in the latter years. Others could not understand what such an elderly man was doing with such an young one. Tom hadn't cared, neither had Chakotay.

Eventually though, Chakotay's body, weak with age, failed. He'd died peacefully in his sleep his husband next to him. Tom had felt it coming and had stayed awake that night not wanting to miss the last moments. He'd talked softly to his love telling him everything in his heart until the man he would continue to love breathing stopped. He'd cried for seemingly endless hours until he raised himself to the comm-unit and informed his children. The youngest who lived on Dorvan as well, was the first to arrive only minutes after being told. She found her Daddy sitting on the floor next to where her Papa lay in the bed, tear stains on a pale face.

The other children and family members came to Dorvan. The funeral ceremony was held and eventually they parted again. Tom stayed around Dorvan for many years after his husband's death. He never took another lover, though he'd received offers. There was only one person he wanted and he was gone.

The day finally came when Tom knew he had to go. He went to see each of his children and their grandchildren. He said goodbye although he could tell from the confusion in their eyes they didn't understand where he was going. He didn't explain. His children were getting more lines around their eyes and were slowing down. It would not be long before their funerals were being held and he knew he could not handle that. He said goodbye to each and then left Dorvan, left the quadrant, left this space. Since then he had visited his grand- and great-grandchildren on a few occasions but he didn't approach them or anyone else. He viewed them from afar, their happiness to bring him joy.

He missed them; his children, his grandchildren, his friends, his husband. Some days he wished he wasn't Alorem so that he could be with them sooner. Such it was one day when a there was a disturbance in Alorem space. The area was off limits until the anomaly vanished. They'd experienced these before and so long as no one went to close they were safe.

Tom had to be there. Someone was calling to him. He could not disobey. He went straight towards the anomaly. The barricades and security could not stop him and the others watched in horror as he vanished.

"I've met him; your other father." The tone was happy and teasing. "I thanked him for saving you, for giving me another chance…"

"…You've made me so proud…and given me more than my life was ever destined for…my child."

"I'm waiting for you. We all are. We can wait an eternity….no rush, okay?" That smile, that touch. He'd longed for it so badly and now…

Suddenly he was back in Alorem space. The anomaly was closing. He was dazed and disoriented.

He'd seen them, felt them -his family. All who had passed. Chakotay. He'd been with him, felt the sensation of soft lips on his and then a sudden force against his chest. That jerk pushed him! Pushed him right back through the portal and into Alorem space.

He stared silently. The portal was closed. He was cut off from them.

Other beings gathered around him, worried and awed that he had returned. They expressed how glad they were that he was home. Tom didn't correct them.

A moment before, in those arms, yes he'd been home. Now, he was just back. Two halves of a whole that today weren't fitting together as well as they used to. Tomorrow would be better and sometime far down the line he'd be with them again. It was a long time away but…no rush.

End Betwixt & Between

Thanks for reading!

Sagga Bott…


End file.
